


And a feeling hits you right out of the blue / Well its me, thinking of you

by Nerdygirlygirl



Series: Thinking Of You [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Emails, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-15 17:04:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3454994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerdygirlygirl/pseuds/Nerdygirlygirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy Blake is on his third tour and as soon as he leaves his little sister gets into trouble. Thankfully, her best friend and his least favorite (not really) person steps in to help her. Now he's emailing Clarke Griffin to thank her for what she did. But why is he still emailing her? Why is she still responding? </p><p>Title is a lyric from "Thinking of You" by Christian Kane</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. February - May

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a one shot, but it has gotten away from me. I got the idea when I saw a soldier reuniting with his family and the idea just grew into this. I don't know where it's going, but I want to post the first part of it. 
> 
> Side note. I know very little about medical school and interns. Everything I got is from Grey's Anatomy so if something is factually wrong, I'm sorry. Same thing with deployment and the military.

February 17, 2013

To: Clarke.Griffin@arkuniversity.edu

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

Hey Clarke,

Octavia told me what happened the other day with Atom. I just wanted to write to say thanks for helping her. I swear that asshole waits until I'm out of the country and then pulls this shit. She better learn her lesson and stay away from him now. Or else I'm hoping the next plane out of here and I'm going to lock her in the damn basement until she's 40.

Again, thanks.

Bellamy

* * *

February 19, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

Hey Bellamy,

Don't worry about it. She may be your sister, but she's still my best friend. I would never let anything happen to her. And you're right. The asshole does wait until you're deployed to do something. That's why I made sure I hung out with Miller, Jasper and Monty on Valentine's Day at the same bar O and dickhead were going to. I almost made Miller bring his gun, but I knew that would probably cause more problems then help.

Anyway, stay safe over there and keep in touch.

Clarke

* * *

February 23, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

Hey Clarke,

You should have made Miller bring his gun. He would have been glad to have a chance to use it on the "dickhead." Lol. I would have loved to see you knock him out. I'm going to have to call Miller and get a play by play.

What's with the different email? No longer at Ark U?

Bellamy

* * *

February 23, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

Bellamy,

Yes, I'm still at Ark U, but Monty is convinced the email system for the school is the easiest to hack so I try to just use it for school purposes and keep personal stuff here. I'm actually suppose to be studying for my last exam, but instead I'm writing to you. I don't know which is worse.

And Miller wasn't around for the "incident." He was chatting some girl up at the bar and missed the whole thing. However, I think Monty may or may not have gotten it in on video. At least that's what Jasper keeps telling me. He says it’s the "most epic smack down in the history of the world." I haven't seen it so I don't know. All I know is I ended up with bruised knuckles which still hasn't healed. And now I'm doing Monty's laundry for the next month to keep it off the internet. I can't have hospitals seeing it before I get an internship when I graduate.

Clarke

* * *

March 3, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

Well, princess. You have gotten my attention and I will need to see this video now. I'm sure Jasper is over exaggerating. There is no way it was the "most epic smack down in the history of the world." I think I came name a few Greek battles that were pretty epic. How's the hand?

Bellamy

* * *

March 5, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

Not too bad these days. Monty took pity on me and I got out of doing laundry, but he said he's holding onto the video for future blackmail so I'm sure you'll be able to weasel it out of him.

Octavia told me you had been sent on a recon mission. I hope everything was good and your unit came back safe.

Clarke

* * *

March 7, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

Yeah, princess. We made it back okay. We're in a pretty okay area so most of our missions are more peace missions helping locals with various things. Just yesterday, this kid came running into the camp with a soccer ball. It had gotten run over by a truck from the other guys. One of the guys in my unit had given the soccer ball to the kid so they would have something to play with while at school. The schools here don't have much so we try and get them some things, but it's hard. Most families can't afford to send things for the kids and we can't get access to stuff and pay for it ourselves. And the Army doesn't have the resources either.

Speaking of O. How's she been doing? She seemed down when I talked to her yesterday. Is she still hung up on that asshole?

Bellamy

* * *

March 8, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

She's doing good. No she's not hung up on him. She's already got her eye on someone else. And before you start freaking out, Miller and I have this handled. Just focus on what you're doing over there and stop worrying about everyone over here.

O was just having a bad day. She was missing you and was worried when you went on the recon mission. I took her out to dinner and then we sat around and watched all those stupid history movies you love so she could pretend you were here. She was feeling better by the end of the night. She even started correcting all the historical inaccuracies and using her "Bellamy" voice.

Clarke

* * *

March 15, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

Well look at you, princess. I got your package yesterday and I have to say I was surprised to see your return address. I was even more surprised when I saw all the books and toys you sent for the kids. They stopped by this morning and we handed them out. You should have seen how happy they were. Me and the guys were able to take some pictures of the kids with everything. I'll make sure you get them. The guys all say thanks too. For the cookies and other stuff. Now I know you, there is no way you baked all that because we would all be dead. So where did you get it from?

I'm really glad O has you. And if you ever repeat that I will deny it, but I know my deployments are hard on her so I'm glad she has someone looking out for her. Even if its you, princess. And now I need to hear what this "Bellamy" voice is.

What do you mean by you and Miller having it handled???

Bellamy

* * *

March 17, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

Those kids are adorable. Thank you so much for the pictures. I especially like the one of you and all the kids jumping on you. It looks like you even got some admirers over there. Haha.

And no I didn't do the baking. My school friends, Maya and Harper did. I got the email about the kids while we were studying and we got to talking. All the stuff for the kids was from the three of us and some other friends at school. But Maya and Harper did the baking. I did help. I supplied the tequila for baking night. I'm going to pass the pictures on to all of them so they can see them too. We've been talking about sending more so keep your eye out for another package.

The "Bellamy" voice is something Jasper started. Everyone has their own version and whenever O gets down we pull it out with a classic Bellamy line to cheer her up. It's kind of creepy how good Miller is at it.

And I may or may not have suggested to Miller that he do a background check on the new guy and he may or may not have already done it before I suggested it. He's clean. Don't worry. We're all keeping an eye on her, but she's happy so we're not going to get in the way. But we will be there when she needs us.

By the way, happy St. Patrick's Day.

Clarke

* * *

March 20, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

Of course, princess is only good for the tequila. Your med school friends must know you all too well if you're not to be trusted with baked goods. And next time you three venture into baking, send pictures. The guys over here are already in love. You know the saying "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach"? Some of the guys over here have taken that literally.

The "Bellamy" voice has officially got me intrigued. Upon my return I am getting you all drunk and forcing it out of you.

Thanks again for O. I'm trusting you and the guys to keep her safe until I can get home and lock her in the basement again. It was so much easier when she wasn't boy-crazed.

Bellamy

* * *

March 30, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

Good luck with the "Bellamy" voice. I don't think that will be happening anytime soon.

We're having a baking night tonight. In fact as I'm writing to you, Harper and Maya are hard at work slaving away. I'm also hard at work. Someone has to keep the margaritas flowing! I've attached a picture of the two of them baking. I hope it will appease the loved crazed soldiers.

And don't worry about O. She's not boy-crazed. This is different. And Lincoln is different than Atom. I met him last night and you'll probably still hate him, but he's a nice guy and he really likes Octavia. I dare say it might even be love? It's too early to tell, but they're both head over heels and I spent most of the night clearing my throat so they would remember I was sitting across from them.

Stay safe,

Clarke

* * *

April 1, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm still laughing over Jasper and Monty's epic prank. How did you not figure it out??? They've been planning it for weeks and you, you princess, you fell for it! I can't believe Miller figured it out and you didn't! Oh man, princess. I wish I could have seen the look on your face.

Still safely laughing in the desert,

Bellamy

* * *

April 2, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

IT IS NOT FUNNY BELAMY BLAKE!!! I was so worried. You don't understand what these two get into when you're not here to rein them in. They almost blew up the freaking house! I swear to god, I can't do anymore of your deployments. These delinquents are slowly killing me! Killing me, Blake! I'm too young to be dealing with this shit.

Planning on payback,

Clarke

* * *

April 4, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

I read your email and then had to walk away because I was laughing uncontrollably. For two hours after, I would start laughing for no reason. Some of the guys are worried about my sanity. Murphy said I've officially cracked. But when I told them what the nerds did to you, oh man. They're still out there laughing. And they don't even know you, princess.

Stomach cramps from laughing so hard,

Bellamy

* * *

April 7, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

Hey Clarke,

I'm really sorry. I just spoke to O. She told me. Don't be mad at her. She's just worried about you. I am too. I'm going to call Miller and the guys and send them to this asshole's place and beat the shit out of him. I'm really sorry.

Bellamy

* * *

April 8, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

Well, I just had to bail Jasper out of jail because apparently they took what you said seriously and showed up at Finn's place. Finn's not pressing charges. He thinks that by not pressing charges against my friends, I'll go back to him. And that's never going to happen. Thank you for caring, but you don't need to worry about me. I'll be good after a few pints of ice cream and a few shots of Jack. I found your old bottle in the back of my freezer. It's been helpful the last few days.

Clarke

* * *

April 10, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

Glad Jack is keeping you company. And of course I'm going to worry about you. Contrary to popular belief, you're my friend and I don't like to see my friends hurt. Especially by assholes with stupid hair. You deserve better, Clarke. It just wasn't Prince Charming.

Also, if you get the key to my place from O. There may or may not be some Rocky Road in the back of my freezer. It's all yours, princess.

And by the way, I never called Miller until after they went down there. That was all them. They care about you, too.

Bellamy

* * *

April 15, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

Bellamy Blake caring about me? Now that's a new one. I'm sure you would have preferred to be here and see my misery up close and personal. Because that's you.

Clarke

* * *

April 16, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

I'm going to assume based on the time stamp of your last email that you had a tough day and had finished off the bottle of Jack because if you really think that of me then you're not the girl I thought you were.

I never want to see you in pain, princess. You're my friend. And I do care about you. So put the bottle of Jack down and pour the rest down the sink and order some of that greasy pizza from around the corner and sober up because you don't know what you're saying.

Always here to listen,  
Bellamy

* * *

April 17, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

I'm so sorry. I was drunk and I wrote the email never intending to send it. I just - I don't know why I even wrote it because I don't think that. I was taking my anger out on you even though it wasn't true. I had the worst day and I just… I'm sorry. I really am. I know you care and I you're my friend too. Don't worry about me.

So sorry,

Clarke

* * *

April 18, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

It's okay, princess. That asshole hurt you and its understandable that you were upset. I'm here for you to talk to. I really am. And it's not just because I owe you for all you do for O. Just hold on. You'll find the right guy soon.

Your friend,

Bellamy

* * *

April 19, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

Hey friend,

Thanks for everything. It wasn't just Finn. He's still around trying to "win me back," but he's the least of my problems. I met Raven. The other woman. Or I guess I was the other woman. I don't even know. She came over and I think she wanted to hit me or yell at me. I don't know what, but we ended up drinking and apologizing to each other. And I just got really drunk and angry. Apparently Finn isn't trying to win Raven back. He keeps telling me he loves me and wants to be with me and that their relationship was on its way out when he met me. And - I just don't know.

And my mom is at it again. She keeps wanting me to intern at John Hopkins, but I like Ark Hospital. Its close to home and my friends and I don’t want to move away from everyone.

Again, I'm really, really sorry.

Your friend,

Clarke

* * *

April 21, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

I'm sorry about Finn and the whole Raven thing. Its really hard being away from everyone when I know you're all hurting so much. O told me she has been staying with you. I'm glad. Miller said he's going to keep an eye on that Finn guy too. He'll make sure he leaves you alone.

As to your mom. Follow your heart, Clarke. You've already done everything she wanted you to do. You want to med school. You're going to be a doctor. But you can't be a good doctor if you don't love it. And part of loving it is working with people you like at a place you like. So if the Ark is what you want. Take it. Don't worry about John Hopkins. Just because your mom thinks its good, doesn't mean it's good for you. Besides, if you go to John Hopkins, you won't get to see my smiling face anymore. :)

Keep your head up, princess.

* * *

May 15, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

I hope you're not mad at me. I know you've been busy. O says she's barely seen you in the last month. So I hope it's just that and not me crossing some invisible "piss Clarke off" line again.

I would assume you'd written me off for dead if it wasn't for the baked goods that keep getting sent to me and the guys.

Bellamy

* * *

May 16, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

I'm so sorry. First it was finals. Then graduation. It's just been so busy. I'm glad you're still getting the cookies. We baked those at 3am two weeks ago after we had finished taking our first final. We went out to celebrate and some how ended up baking. With rum and coke this time.

Everything is over with and done. I'm officially a medical school graduate and I took your advice. I'll be interning at Ark Hospital starting this summer. So yes, I will continue to see your smiling face. As well as Octavia's and Miller's and Jasper's and Monty's and everyone's.

I told my mom what you said and she wasn't angry with me for not choosing John Hopkins. She surprisingly got it and has been happy with me being at Ark Hospital. It will be hard to work in the same hospital as the great Abby Griffin, but I think it will be good. Especially since we won't be working on the same floor for the most part. I'm interning on the surgical floor still, but I've always loved trauma and she prefers general surgery. So we will see.

Also, Maya and Harper will be interning at Ark too. So expect more cookies and brownies. We're going to need to create a drinking night and some how we always end up baking whenever we do.

For once, not angry at you,

Clarke

* * *

May 20, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

Well glad to hear that everything is going well for you, princess. And congratulations on the graduation and good luck at the Ark. O sent me some pictures from your graduation. The guys say congrats too. And then made some inappropriate comments, which I will not pass along. No matter how much, Murphy says them. The guys were a little annoyed that when you sent the pictures of Maya and Harper baking, you left yourself out.

I'm glad you got some time to celebrate. You deserve it after working so hard these last 8 years. And, if you ever repeat this, I will deny it again. But I'm proud of you. You were always determined, but now look at you. A doctor.

Congrats again, princess. Enjoy it.

* * *

May 25, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

You care! You really, really care! Haha.

Thanks for everything you said. It was really sweet. Unexpected, but sweet. And thanks for not repeating Murphy's comments. I've met him before and I don't need to relive that. Ever.

I started the Ark yesterday. It was a crazy first shift. 48 hours and I'm still wide awake. My resident is scarier than all the other residents. Remember how everyone called Miranda Bailey, the Nazi on Grey's? Well they call my resident the Commander. Like she's leading an army of warriors or something and not interns. I've got a few more hours before I start my next shift. I should probably get some sleep, but O said she was dropping by with a present. A first day at work present. So that should be interesting.

I hear her knocking. I better go.

Stay safe,

Clarke

* * *

May 31, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

Octavia just burst into the hospital in tears. She said you're unit was attacked on a recent recon. I don't know when or if you'll read this. I DON'T MEAN IF AS IN YOU'RE DEAD. Oh my god. That sounds so bad. I'm just - I'm just worried about you. O doesn't know what's going on. She hasn't heard anything from the army. She just heard about your unit on the news. She's freaking out and I don't know what to do.

The guys just got here. We're at my place. Thankfully, I was leaving shift when O came and I've got a few days off. Monty and Jasper were a mess. Miller couldn't calm them down by himself so he brought them to me. Like I have any clue what to do with them. I just got O to calm down and Lincoln was on his way. And now I've got Miller and Jasper and Monty freaking out.

I just need a freaking minute. I don't know what to do. Everyone is worried and looking to me to keep them calm. And I'm just as worried. You need to be okay. Okay? Do you get that? I need you to be okay. I just. I need you. Okay? Please tell me you're okay. Please be okay.

Lincoln just got here. Octavia is in tears again, but he seems to be keeping her calm. As soon as she started Jasper and Monty's lips started quivering again. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to keep everyone together if you're not here. So please. Be okay.

Please be okay,

Clarke


	2. June - September

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Covers their emails from June to September. A lot more drama and a lot more feelings. I don't really know how to describe it. A lot happens in these four months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the comments! This just started and hasn't stopped and I don't know where it's going. As I write, everything just sort of flows. I have no control.
> 
> It feels like the longest chapter (I didn't check the word count) because it covers the most months. And also they seem to be writing more to each other over these months. So I don't even want to know what the next chapter is going to look like. 
> 
> I didn't reread it so sorry for any typos or grammar mistakes. I just wanted to get it out because these two are killing me (in a good way).

June 1, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

Well, princess, I didn't know you cared so much. Maybe from now on I should have the news report the death of my unit wrongly and I'll get a response like that more often.

Everything is alright. I'm sure O told you. I didn't realize that the news had gotten back to all of you. It wasn't my unit. The news screwed it up. As usual. But some guys in camp here were apart of that unit and so it's a bit somber around here. We're all worried about their families now. It makes it all the more grounding when something like that hits so close to home. I've only got a few months left on this deployment and I've been thinking its my last more and more.

And if I don't make it, And please Clarke, just listen to me. If I don't make it, you'll be able to take care of them just fine without me. I know you will. It's why they all showed up at your place when they were in crisis. It's where we all go when we're at our worst. You some how make it all better. And you'll be fine. I promise. I wouldn't leave those delinquents in better hands, if I didn't think you would be okay.

You'll be okay too,

Bellamy 

* * *

Clarke stood staring at her screen for a solid two minutes. She couldn't comprehend what he just said. Without thinking she dialed Octavia's number. It took some convincing, but O must have heard something in her voice because within 30 seconds she had texted the number to Clarke.

Now Clarke stood in the on call room pacing as the phone rang.

 _"Hello?"_  

"Hi. Um. Can I speak with Bell - Lt. Blake?"

 _"I gotta find him. Who's asking?"_  

"Um. It's his sister," Clarke played with her ID badge.

 _"Oh. Hey. Hold on,"_ the other voice said. She could hear some muffled noise on the other side. Then  a yell, _"BLAKE! Phone!"_

 _"Who is it?"_ She heard Bellamy's voice through the static. 

 _"It's your sister,"_ the other voice said. 

The phone was passed between the two and then Bellamy's voice came through, _"Hey O, is something wrong? I thought we were talking tomorrow?"_

"I SWEAR TO GOD BELLAMY BLAKE IF YOU EVER SEND ME AN EMAIL LIKE THAT AGAIN - I WILL FLY ALL THE WAY TO THAT DAMN DESERT AND FIND YOUR DUMB ASS AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!" Clarke took a deep breath about to continue on her rant, but she heard Bellamy chuckle.

 _"Princess?"_  

"Yes. It's me. How dare you send an email like that! After - after - what just happened? Don't ever do it again. Or I will - I don't know what I will do, but it will be bad. It will make you wish you were never born again."

 _"Alright, alright, princess. I won't. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I - I just wanted to make sure everyone would be okay."_  

"Well, how do you think that made me feel? You were so worried about everyone else and that I would be able to take care of them and you didn't even think - think that I would want this burden."

 _"Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to burden you, princess. You sound a little bit more angry than someone who was burdened."_  

"Jesus, Bellamy. When you talk like that - it - I don't like it."

 _"What, Clarke? Just say it,"_ his voice sounded breathless to her. Like he was waiting and holding his breath for her to say something. Something he wanted to hear. 

"You make it sound like you're okay with not coming home. And I don't want you to talk like that. If you start talking like that, you won't fight as hard to come home. You need to come home. Remember that?"

 _"Trust me, princess. I'm fighting to come home. I don't want to spend another night in this desert."_ Without you. Clarke swore he didn't actually say it, but it sounded like it. 

"Okay. Okay, I just wanted to be sure," Clarke let out a breath she wasn't aware she was holding.

 _"I didn't realized you cared so much, princess,"_ she could literally hear him smirking and knew just want to say to get the smirk off his face. 

"Of course, I care, Bellamy. Without you here, shit hits the fan. The nerds try and blow everything up constantly. Miller seems to think that I've replaced you as his best friend. If I have to hear another over compensating comment about a girl's ass - I'm going to lose it, Bell. The only one who hasn't lost her shit yet is Octavia. And I think that's only because Lincoln is around," Clarke laughs quietly.

 _"Lincoln? I gotta meet this guy. All she does is talk about him whenever she calls. I'm not happy about it. Are you sure he's okay?"_  

"Jealous, Bellamy? O's got another guy in her life and it's not her big brother anymore?"

_"No. I would be happy if it was the right guy. Everyone deserves happiness, Clarke. I just wish she would wait until I'm home for her to do these things. It's the only way I can keep her safe."_

 "She's safe. I promise," Clarke jumped as her pager starts beeping. "Shit. That's me. I gotta go. Trauma in the ER."

 _"You're at work?"_  

"Yes. I'm always at work these days. My scrubs have replace my jeans and I don't know when the last time I did more with my hair then throw it into a braid or a messy bun."

Bellamy chuckled, _"Ah. The great messy bun. Hey Clarke?"_

"Yeah?"

 _"Keep writing, okay?"_  

"Yeah. Okay. I will. And stay safe."

 _"Yes, ma'am,"_ he chuckled low once more and the line went dead. 

Clarke sighed and jumped as her pager went off again and ran out the door. 

* * *

June 3, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

Hey Princess,

I am really sorry for my last email. I never meant to scare you or burden you with the responsibility of taking care of our little delinquents, but I always thought it was something you knew. That I trusted you with all of them. I promise. I'm not giving up and I am going to come home. And you can promise that I owe you for taking care of all of them - especially O.

Hope the trauma didn't see any loss of life,

Bellamy

PS - I assume you got the number from O. Did you tell her we've been writing? Just curious. 

* * *

June 5, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

Hey Bell,

It's okay. I had a long day and I think my nerves were just stressed from the previous day and I freaked out. I also shouldn't have called you like that. It's just been one of those weeks. I ran into Finn again. It's not an excuse, but he is a persistent little… Nevermind. It's not important. I'm just worried about Raven again. She stopped by for lunch and saw Finn talking to me. She assumed we were speaking again and I had to reassure her through a few bottles of tequila that we were not speaking and I hadn't seen him in awhile.

No loss of life. Thankfully.

Clarke

PS - I told her you had written me, but left it vague. She cornered me later and I said it was one email and I just wanted to make sure you were okay. She asked what we could possibly have to talk about and I said her. She was happy about that. Do you not want her to know we're emailing? Just curious. 

* * *

June 12, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

I swear when I get back home the first thing I'm doing is paying that jerk a visit. He should not be hanging around you like that. I'm going to - nevermind. It's best you don't know before hand. You'll just try and stop me. I'd rather not have to deal with you defending him. Maybe I'll just bring Miller.

So you and this Raven girl are really friends now? Wow. That's got to be a good story there. You'll have to tell me.

Dr. Clarke to the rescue,

Bellamy

PS - I just didn't want to get the third degree. And if I got it, you would too. Couldn't have my favorite princess disappearing on me, now could I?

* * *

June 15, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.con 

You're not going to do anything. You and Miller are going to leave it as it is. I'm handling it. He'll grow tired soon - or he'll see me happy without him and everything will be fine.

Raven. There's not much to tell. She came over and said she was either going to hit me or yell at me. We ended up just talking and drinking - a lot. And now we're friends. She fits in nicely with "our little delinquents" as you like to call them. (I'm not complaining about the name - it fits.) You'll like her. She's got a mouth worse than O and is probably smarter than Monty when it comes to all that tech stuff. She's an engineer and since she and Finn broke up (they were living together) she's been crashing with me. It works because I'm at the hospital most nights and she's at work most days. So we're hardly both home at the same time. 

Raven says hi by the way. She asked who I was emailing at this hour (it's 7am - I just got home and she's just getting up for work).

Not the hero here,

Clarke

PS - Don't worry our secret is safe with Raven. Besides, you can't get rid of me that easily. ;)

* * *

June 18, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

Alright. I'll leave the Finn thing - for now. But princess? You gotta stop being so nice to everyone. They get attached and then follow you around like lost little puppy dogs. How do you think we ended up with so many delinquents? And you've just added one more with Raven. And I'll probably be bring Murphy home with me too. We just seem to pick them up everywhere we go, don't we? 

If you say I'll like Raven, I'll trust you. Still a little unsure on the whole "trust me when it comes to Lincoln" thing you keep telling me. That one I'll have to wait and see. I'm glad you got someone to keep you sane around the apartment. That place was always too big for one person.

Tell Raven I said hello too. Murphy is here. He wants me to tell you: "Hey Clarke! Thanks for the cookies and all the other goodies. Bellamy really loves you and talks about you fdalhgahghahdfak

Your saving lives - of course you're a hero,

Bellamy

PS - Tell her thanks and I wouldn't want to even if I tried.

* * *

June 20, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

Haha. Do I want to know why that last email was cut off like that? And tell Murphy that he shouldn't be jealous. I only have eyes for him. (Gag)

Speaking of. Raven keeps trying to set me up with this guy she works with. She says that I was with Finn for a shorter time period then her so I need to "get back on the horse" sooner. I laughed at her, but she's sticking to it. So it looks like I'll be jumping back into the dating world again. I asked her to tell me that he wasn't a complete waste of time. I only get one night off a week and I really don't want to spend two hours sitting with a loser. I'm still making her work for it though.

Says the man fighting for his country - literally,

Clarke

PS - Same here…

* * *

June 23, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

I'm a little jealous. Only eyes for Murphy? Have you really sunk that far? You've completely bypassed me on your list of people you'd rather date… ;)

And it seems you're now letting Raven set you up. I'm a little surprised there, princess. You're normally so picky when it comes to men and now you're going on a blind date. Let's hope he lives up to all of your expectations. 

Not the only thing I'm fighting for,

Bellamy

PS - Open your eyes, princess.

* * *

July 2, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

Hey. Sorry I haven't written in awhile. Work got busy and life in general just got busy. I don't really know what happened.

Actually, I do. I was avoiding writing to you because I didn't know what to say. You acted like a real jackass in your last email. And I just didn't want to talk to that Bellamy anymore. I was hoping if I gave you some days to cool off, the Bellamy I like talking to will show himself again. So - the ball's in your court now. When the Bellamy I like makes an appearance tell him I miss writing to him and to write back. That other Bellamy can go to hell.

Extremely pissed off,

Clarke

* * *

July 3, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

I'm sorry. That was really an asshole thing to say. I am happy that you're getting back out there and you're not hiding after what happened with Finn. O told me that you haven't been out since Finn - not really. You haven't even been out with the group and she's worried you're closing yourself off again. Like you did after your dad.

And it's not just O who's worried. The guys are worried too. And… I'm worried too, princess. We can't have a sad princess, now can we? So go on that date with that guy and who knows. Maybe he's the perfect guy for you. I don't know why you listen to me anyway. It's obvious I don't know what you look for in a guy anyway.

Extremely sorry,

Bellamy

PS - Please don't be mad. I miss - your emails too.

* * *

July 4, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

Your mood swings are worse than Octavia's when she's PMSing. And you're forgiven. But please. I get enough of the drama from O and Raven about dating again. I don't need it from you too. I'm just not ready, but when I am. I'll be sure to tell you.

Today was pretty interesting. O is always trying to recreate your 4th of July picnics and she can never get your BBQ right. She always burns something or undercooks something. Or puts too much BBQ or not enough. Its always a disaster. I normally just call for pizza before she even starts so by the time it's ruined the pizza is here and I don't have to hear Jasper protest loudly about how famished he is.

This year was different. Apparently Lincoln had got a copy of your secret recipe and did all the cooking for O. Now where on earth could he have gotten something that you swear is locked away in your memory and will never be trusted with another soul?

Besides for the great Lincoln mystery (I'm looking at you, Blake), it was a pretty typical day with the group. I brought Harper, Maya, and Raven for the first time. With O dating Lincoln, I get tired of being the only girl around. And let me tell you. Things got interesting pretty quickly after that. It seems Jasper is very smitten with Maya and Harper spent most of the night talking to Miller (poor Harper - she doesn't even know it) who spent most of the night talking to Monty (haha). And Raven and I drank beers and watched all the drunk people on the block try and fail miserably at setting off fireworks. Thank god I wasn't working. I don't think I could have handled all those injuries. 

Before the night was over, there's a little tradition we started during your first tour when you were gone for July 4th. No one has ever told you about it, but tonight - I think it's time you learned about it. When you're not around, we consider this day to be your day. It's a day we celebrate our freedom and our thanks to the men and women who put their lives on the line to give us that freedom.

During your first tour, O was a mess and wanted to recreate your day. It failed and she broke down crying saying how much she missed you and just wanted to pretend that today of all days you were here. So we normally spend the day drinking in your honor and telling stories.

Over the years, its normally been just our group that make it out to your old house. And I'm sure you noticed over the years, all the people stopping by to say hello to you. On the years you're not there. They stay much longer. Apparently you've made quite the impression in this old neighborhood. They all tell stories about how you quit school and dropped everything to take care of O when you're mom got sick and everything.

You never asked for handouts, but was always thankful when the neighborhood helped you out. They're already really proud of you. And over the years, listening to their stories - it's pretty amazing.

So I think I may still be a little drunk. God damn that Raven. She always knows what buttons to push to get me drunk.

Happy 4th of July, Bellamy

Love,

Clarke

PS - I miss you too.

* * *

July 7, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

Wow, Clarke. I'm really at a loss for words here. I really don’t know what to say, but thank you. I really mean it.

As to Lincoln, while you were not speaking to me (again, sorry), I received a letter from him. He wrote to me that he was sorry that he hadn't been able to meet me yet. He understood my concerns about Octavia (thanks for that by the way) and he just laid all his feelings for her out there. I was kind of floored to see how much he really care for O (and yes, maybe you were right - maybe it is love).

So I gave him a call and we had a really interesting talk. We talked about a lot of things and he brought you up. Apparently, you two had a little conversation about me (please do tell). He said you gave him some advice on how to approach me regarding O. You told him to just be honest and the rest would just happen. So we've been talking a little more now and again. He mentioned how O was upset about the picnic every year - so I gave him the recipe. And made him swear not to share it with anyone.

I'm glad you all seem to have a good time - even when I'm not there to entertain you all.

Love,

Bellamy

PS - I hope that wasn't just the alcohol talking…

* * *

July 15, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

I'm really glad he reached out to you. He was nervous. I was a little surprised of all the people in our group, he asked me for help when it came to you. Said something like I was the one who knew how to handle you best. I think I laughed for a solid 5 minutes before I could breathe again.

And I'm really glad you were receptive to him. I know O would appreciate it, but I've been sworn to secrecy and cannot share that the two most important men in her life are actually getting along. It's such a shame. Really. I guess I'll just have to bask in the glow of my amazing communicative skills all alone.

And that's Raven. She bangs that door so loud whenever Wick pisses her off at work. It's going to break off the door jam soon. She just stormed in here and saw me with my laptop and then slowly backed out of the room like she was interrupting me. She's gotten really weird every since I swore her to secrecy about our emailing.

I should get going. We're all going to trivia night (I'm being forced really - I have off tomorrow and everyone said I need to get out more).

Stay safe,

Clarke

PS - I guess you'll never know…

* * *

July 23, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

It doesn't surprise me that Lincoln asked you. You're the only one (after all these years) who does not back down when I get in one of those - "mood swings" as you like to call them.

Why is Raven trying to set you up with someone who pisses her off so much? I'd avoid it at all costs if I were you.

You do need to get out more. You spend way too much time at the hospital. And I know because all O ever does is complain about not seeing you. And your time stamps give you away. You're always email me at the oddest hours so I know you're not going out enjoying yourself. And what have I said about a sad princess?

Love,

Bellamy

PS - I'll hold my breath until you tell me… Or when I get home I'll just tickle you until you break down. ;)

* * *

July 31, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

Well you'll be happy to know that I am going out with them. Whenever I get a night off. Octavia is still not happy when I don't drink. I keep telling her she wouldn't want a drunk doctor operating on her so don't ask me to do it on someone else. I normally have to go back to work the next day and it's not long enough to sober up. Thankfully I have Harper and Maya to back me up and O normally backs off.

Speaking of Harper and Maya. Maya and Jasper are officially together. Well, not officially. They're together, but only I know. Because I caught them. In the on call room. I KNOW RIGHT! Our little Jasper is all grown up and getting it on in the on call room. Yes. I did just say that. Also, keep your guard up. O is trying to set you up with Harper (who has moved on from Miller). However, Harper keeps asking me if I'm okay with that. I don't understand it, but I keep telling her that you two are both adults and you don't need my permission to date a friend.

As to Wick. I did go out with him. Awhile ago actually. I don't know why I didn't tell you. But I realized pretty quickly that it wouldn't work out. So now Raven is back to being pissed off at him for everything. I swear when she starts talking about something he did, I don't even understand it. It's all mechanical terms and things I've never understood. Even when my dad would tell me about his latest projects.

I should get going. The Commander has been breathing down my neck especially hard these last few weeks. I knew she always picked one intern to torment, but I didn't think it would be me. And not because of my mom. I just thought - I don't know what I thought.

Stay safe,

Clarke

PS - You wouldn't dare………

* * *

August 1, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

Well princess, now I am intrigued. What happened on this date with Wick? And why is Raven always pissed at him? Please, do share. I am generally curious and a bit mystified.

I've heard of the great Harper date from O. I keep telling her that it's not going to happen. I'm a bit busy at the moment and definitely don't need my baby sister trying to set me up. And I'm glad you're okay with me dating a friend. I believe last time I tried you nearly bit my head off. And then I was only joking.

Don't worry so much about the Commander. You're a great doctor, Clarke. You're going to make a great surgeon.

Love,

Bellamy

PS - Oh, it's on, princess. It's so on.

* * *

August 5, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

Wick is in love with Raven. I don't know how much or how long, but he spent the entire dinner - all two hours - talking about her. Nonstop. Finally, I took pity on him and gave him some advice on how to get the girl, you know. I think he's been trying to apply it, but Raven is getting more freaked out by him because - get this - he's being TOO nice. Now she's suspicious. I almost told her the other day when she was going on a rant about how he brought her coffee. She was acting like he tried to poison her or something. It was really hilarious. It actually reminded me of - nevermind.

Don't worry about Harper. Another doctor at the Ark has caught her eye recently. It's pretty funny because we went to school with Wells and she never even really noticed him. So you're safe. She is sweet. I just think she's too sweet for you. You're a bit of an ass sometimes and need someone who's not going to take your shit.

And thanks. You haven't even seen my amazing doctor skills - yet. Hahaha.

Clarke

PS - Remember I know you're ticklish spots too….

* * *

August 12, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

Hahahahahaha. I'm really liking this Raven girl and I haven't even met her yet. She sounds like she'd be fun entertainment. It must be all that sexual tension that makes them fight like that. I know a few things about that.

And it seems you've got me all figured out, princess. So any suggestions on who can handle my shit? I'm open to them.

Was that a proposition?

Love,

Bellamy

PS - You wish you knew them all.

* * *

August 13, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

Oh, the innuendos of your emails. You're such a boy sometimes.

Clarke

PS - I know them all. You should fear me…

* * *

Chat Opened 

Bblake: Well well, princess. I'm glad you finally got some of my innuendos.

clarkegriffin: I always get them. I choose to ignore them.

Bblake: Oh you wound me, princess.

clarkegriffin: It doesn't take much to wound your pride, does it?

Bblake: I'm going to change the conversation before it gets nasty again.

 I actually have a reason for messaging you.

Bblake: I need a favor and I can't ask O because it's for her.

clarkegriffin: I'm listening…

Bblake: I have a necklace of our mothers. It's at my house and

I wanted to give it to her for her birthday, but I didn't plan to be here for this birthday.

Can you get it and give it to her for me?

clarkegriffin: She's going to know we've been emailing then.

Bblake: I'm okay with that, if you are princess?

clarkegriffin: I'm okay with that too. She's not going to be. Because we lied.

Bblake: She'll get over it. How has everything been recently?

clarkegriffin: Good. My mom has been driving me crazy,

but it's nothing new and things are

better now that we work together.

clarkegriffin: How about you? How have you been?

Bblake: Tired. Just missing everyone. O, you, … the guys.

clarkegriffin: Well, we all miss you here too. O, the guys, … me.

Bblake: Aw, princess! I didn't know you cared so much!

clarkegriffin: Of course I care. When you're not being an ass,

you're a good friend and a great brother - to O.

Bblake: Well, I love you too, princess.

clarkegriffin: Ugh Alright. I need to go. The Commander is looking for me again.

Bblake: Love you, princess.

CHAT ENDED.

* * *

August 15, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

I just spent the last two hours getting chewed out by your sister. She is not happy with us. She wants to know why. Why we've been emailing each other. Why we didn't tell her. I'm just warning you because I was able to escape without saying much. When she was done yelling and was ready for an answer, my beautiful, beautiful pager went off and I had to get back to work.

Now I'm hiding in the on call room. Harper said she saw O wondering around looking for me.

Your turn, Blake.

Love,

Clarke

* * *

August 17, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

I only got a good hour lecture. Thankfully I decided to video chat with her rather than call her. Murphy walked in and said my C.O. was looking for me. I was able to get away, but I think Murphy stuck around to talk to her. Now I'm worried.

Love,

Bellamy

* * *

August 19, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

Okay. I'm freaking out, Bell. And I don't know who to talk to. I'm really worried over here. Okay. Maybe I should start at the beginning.

The last few weeks, the Commander has really been out for me. Constantly making me stay late to do paperwork or putting me on the spot on rounds. This is what the Commander does when pissed at an intern. Seriously pissed. I had no idea what I could have possibly done wrong to get on the Commander's bad side like this.

Well. I figured it out. Well, maybe figured it out is a bit broad. More like it smacked me right in the face when - when the Commander KISSED me. Yes, kissed me. I had no idea. I was freaking out and frozen. When it was done, I ran. Ran right out of the on call room. Now I'm worried I'm going to lose my job. Or things are going to get worse. If the Commander was that pissed before, imagine after I ran.

Oh god, Bell. I don't know what to do. Please help.

August 20, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

I'm sorry, princess. Dirty old perverts are always trying to take advantage of young female interns. You need to put him in his place. Tell him it's not welcome. That you're too good of a doctor to allow your reputation to be destroyed by an old man who gets his kicks by sexually harassing young women. I'm sure you're not the only one - I mean you're special, Clarke, but guys like this are not too choosy in who to harass.

I'm sorry. This is all coming out wrong. Damn. I wish I was there. I would put this guy into the ground and never look back. You're just too nice to people, Clarke. And I know that's a good thing. It's one of the things I love about you, but sometimes who we are and who we need to be are two different things. So please, for my sanity, please, be a bit of a badass every now and then.

Love,

Bellamy

* * *

August 21, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

Thanks, Bell. I panicked and didn't know what to do, but maybe I should explain something first. The Commander - she's a woman. I could have handled a creepy old guy. But I had no idea. About her. And about me apparently. I was panicking that I gave off signals that I wasn't aware of. But the Commander actually sought me out and apologized. Her and her girlfriend are having some problems and she was just lonely and made a move without thinking. It was so strange. She asked me not to tell anyone. It really meant nothing to her. It made her realize how much you loves her girlfriend and wants to make it work. I promised. Mostly because I was worried about my job. Not her relationship. You know how I feel about cheaters.

Thank you for caring - even from where you are. It always means a lot to me when you have my back.

Love,

Clarke

* * *

August 25, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

Clarke. There's something I need to tell you. And I want to do it in person. But I'm not there. I'm stuck here. Again. And I'm tired of hiding it or pretending it doesn't exist. So I'm just going to say it. And I really hope after you don't freak out and run. Because you're too important to me to lose you in my life. And O needs you too and I'm not going to ruin your friendship with her too.

I love you, Clarke. Not just as friends or whatever this is. I love you. And I want to be with you. I think I've always loved you. I mean who wouldn't. You're amazing, princess. You're smart and beautiful and caring. You love those around you with a fierceness I've never seen. You take care of everyone and don't even think twice about yourself. I'm amazed by you. Every day and I - I just love you, Clarke.

I had hoped you figured it out by now. Maybe you have and you don't feel the same so you're ignoring it. God, I hope that's not the case. I'm sorry if that is.

Love,

Bellamy

* * *

August 30, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

I was really worried that you got my last email and didn't respond. Now I'm even more worried. I just got off the phone with O. She told me what happened. How could you do that, Clarke? How? When a gunman runs into a hospital shouting about killing someone, you're SUPPOSE TO RUN THE OPPOSITE WAY!

And damn it. I'm stuck here. Again. This is getting fucking ridiculous. I'm about to hop on the next plane out of here because I just need to see you. But I know you'll get pissed if I get arrested for going AWOL when you wake up. And yes, princess, you better wake up because I am not even thinking of the alternative. Okay. Just wake up.

* * *

September 15, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

I'm starting to realize how much I enjoyed writing to you. I stopped because I thought - it's not like she's going to read it anytime soon. But then I started snapping at the guys and taking things out on them. I nearly killed Murphy the other day out on patrol because I was being too stupid and reckless.

When we got back Murphy started swinging. Luckily another one of the guys, Dax, stopped him before it got worse. When Murphy calmed down he said to me, "I know you're worried about Clarke. We're all worried about her. We know how important she is to you, but you need to stop taking stupid risks or you'll never get home." It was so similar to what you said to me. That if I didn't fight to come home, I wouldn't. I realized I stopped fighting and I couldn't do that. Not to O. Or to everyone else.

So I need a promise from you. I need you to promise that you're going to keep fighting too. Keep fighting to come home. And if you keep fighting, I'll keep fighting.

I love you.

Bellamy

* * *

September 25, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

Hi Bellamy. You don't know me, but I'm friends with Clarke. I know she's mentioned me a few times. Raven?

Anyway. I'm sorry to do this, but I broke into her email to get something for O. I didn't want O to see any of your emails. I know she knows, but I had a feeling there was more she didn't know about. And it seems I was right.

Anyway. I thought I would let you know that she read your email. The first one. It was marked as read. I just thought you should know that she knows. There was something in her drafts too, but I think she was still working on it before sending it to you. I read it. And I'm not going to send it to you. She stopped writing it for a reason and she wasn't ready for you to see it yet. So I'm going to respect that.

But know it's there. And she knows. Okay?

Be safe,

Raven

PS - I'll mark all the others as unread to she'll see them. I accidentally clicked on the last one and it marked them all as read. I really didn't read it. I promise.

* * *

September 30, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

Your friend, Raven, is snooping through your emails. I'm sure she deleted the email she sent me from your address. So I thought I should tell you.

O says things are about the same for you. So I'm about the same. Freaking out and worried. But like I said in my last email. I'm going to keep fighting as long as you keep fighting. And remember how you freaked out at me for telling you that you would be okay taking care of everyone else if something happened to me. Well, if this is payback, I am officially paid backed. Because I need you. I can't do this without you. I don't want to. So please. Please be okay.

O just called me again. She said you're awake and you're doing good. They said the lack of oxygen didn't effect you much. But most importantly. You remember everything. I didn't realize that was an issue. I think O has been keeping some things from me. I really hope to hear from you soon. I miss you and I love you. Remember that.

Love,

Bellamy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it and let me know what you think! I always respond to comments because if you can take the time to write to me, I'll take the time to respond. Sometimes in long winded responses. Sorry!


	3. October - February

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emails covering the last months of Bellamy's deployment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. I wrote this last week, but it was too much fluff and then ended with so much angst and I knew with the season finale I couldn't do that to you all. So I waited until I finished the last chapter before posting this one. I'll edit it and post it either tonight or tomorrow. So here you go.. 
> 
> Just a warning, don't hate me by the end. I swear I live in a world of happily ever afters so expect one.

October 2, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

 I'm so sorry, Bellamy. I really am. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess that's the problem. I wasn't thinking. I saw the kid and I just reacted. It was a kid, Bell. A kid. I didn't realize how much my actions would effect  so many people. Seeing my mom so upset. I hadn't seen her like that since my dad died.

And Raven. Raven nearly bit my head off for being so stupid and reckless. She asked who would she complain about Wick to without me. And where would she live?

Miller was as stoic Miller as ever. He was more worried about your reaction. Mumbled something about protecting "the family". I didn't really understand it. So you'll have to explain it to me.

Monty and Jasper. They were freaking out so hard. They wouldn't stop crying. (On a side note, I think Miller and Monty are officially together now - tragically findings love while I was in a coma. They love me so much. Lol.) Jasper thankfully had Maya. And they all had Maya and Harper to help explain things. Basically be me, when I couldn't be.

And O. Poor O. She spent a good hour alternating between yelling at me and crying because I was okay. She said how dare I try and be a hero while you were over there being a hero. She was really upset. Lincoln was able to calm her down (I don't know where the two of you stand, but I am so thankful he's here).

And you. You, I never saw coming. I read Raven's email (she didn't delete it). And she's right. I did read your email before. I just didn't know what to say. I noticed things changed between us but I didn't want to think too much about it now. Not while you were over there. I wanted to talk about it with you. I wanted to be able to see your face when we had this conversation. And I never thought I would spend almost a month in a coma during that conversation.

You're incredibly important to me, Bellamy. One of the most important people in my life. I would be lost without you. You're an amazing person, an amazing guy. You always protect those you love and care for everyone with this heart that you refuse to show anyone else. I feel lucky and honored that you've shown me your big heart. Emailing these last few months have been amazing. I look forward to every one you send. I reread them while waiting for a response. Or even when I'm just lonely.

I don't know when it happened. Or how it happened. I really wish I did. Because it would make everything so much easier. But I guess easy is not what we have been - ever. So yes, Bellamy. I love you too. I worry about you constantly and I miss you everyday. I kept fighting because I wanted to see you again. I really did. So please. Keep fighting so I can see you again.

Love always,

Clarke 

* * *

 

October 5, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

I'm not going to tell you what I did when I read your email. It's kind of embarrassing, but I'm sure Murphy will pass it along. I really need to see you. I know you're still in the hospital. But when you get out, let me know. I want to video chat with you. I want to see you. But for now, I'll keep rereading your emails (which I have been known to do a time or two or 100) waiting for your replies. But most importantly, keep writing, princess. I really miss you and I am really happy you're okay. I haven't been able to get this stupid grin off my face. Murphy is worried about me again.

Love you forever,

Bellamy

* * *

 

October 7, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

Don't worry. The stupid grin has been on my face for days now. Ever since I woke up. I should be honest. Before the shooting I really didn't know what I felt, but sleeping for a few weeks will really change perspectives. I had a dream about you. There are so many debates on whether coma patients can dream. It was probably my subconscious just telling me what it already knew. It doesn't really matter. It told me that I love you and I wouldn't want to change that for the world.

I'm going home tomorrow, but O and my mother are going to hover for a few days. I'd love to see you too. But can we wait until they're gone? I want to talk to you and I want to have that conversation. Just not with them around. Please understand.

Love always,

Clarke

* * *

 

October 8, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

Of course I understand, princess. I'm so happy you're going home today. If you're not already home. I assume you'll be reading this once you're home. So welcome home, princess!

And you're not getting away that easily. You're going to tell me what happened in this dream.

Love you,

Bellamy

* * *

 

October 11, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

My mother and O have pretty much moved into my apartment. Which makes things interesting because Raven is still living here too. I cleaned out the office and made it into a guest room for her. She started contributing around here too. She mostly just keeps the fridge and the liquor cabinet filled. Which is fine by me. Except now I can't drink because of all these pain pills.

So my mother and your sister have been alternating sleeping on the couch or sleeping on a blow up bed. I'm really starting to worry about them. I know Lincoln is missing O, but would never ask her to come home. I practically forced her to go out with Raven and the guys tonight. Now I'm trying to find a way to get rid of my mom.

Raven's been helping me. She saw the emails. So I've been talking to her about - us. I'm not sure who you want to know or not to know. I want to tell everyone, but I want to talk to you first. Like I promised. However, Raven saw the emails and there was no denying it. Especially after she started hovering around me whenever she saw me on my laptop in the hospital. Plus it was nice to talk to someone. You have Murphy. I have Raven. So don't be mad. So Raven and I are coordinating an attack plan for two nights from now. I don't know what time that is over there for you. So please tell me if it works. Or give me a time that works for you so I can get Raven's help. Maya and Harper are going to try and get my mom back to work. (Oh. They may or may not know too. Sorry.)

Well. The dream. We were at the lake. The one your mom took you and O to when you were kids. It was early spring before summer started and all the kids starting taking over the lake. We were sitting on a blanket. You were reading one of your Greek comedies again. And I was drawing. It was nice and peaceful. Like something we had done a thousand times. Even though I've only been there with the whole group. You put your book down and asked if I was happy. And I laughed because it was completely random. And I said of course I'm happy. Then you asked if you made me happy and you looked so nervous and I smiled and said the happiest. And you leaned over and kissed me and that was it. I realized you do make me happy. When I'm sad or worried or I'm starting to put my walls up again, you always pull me out of it. You always bring a smile to my face even when I'm yelling at you. And yes. I got the sexual tension remark you made about Raven and Wick (who are dating now by the way). You were referring to us. It's what everyone says when they see us fighting. Except my mom. She always said we argued like a married couple. Like she and my dad did.

I gotta go. I just heard the door so someone's home again. It's too early to be Raven and Octavia. So I'm guessing it's my mom.

Love you,

Clarke

* * *

 

October 15, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

I'm sorry I couldn't respond sooner. We were sent out on a recon mission and got held down by some enemy fire. Nothing serious. Just a pain in the ass trying to get back to camp. And I really wanted to. Especially now I missed a possible video chat date.

I'm glad O and your mom are there for you. Your always taking care of everyone else. You deserve some attention every now and then too, princess. And I'm starting to like Raven more and more. As long as she keeps her mouth shut. I don't want O finding out from someone other than me. I should be the one to tell her about us. Same goes for Harper and Maya. And I haven't told Murphy. He seemed to figure it out on his own. I'm considering telling Miller because I know he'll keep an eye on you for me (don't argue), but Monty is a bit of a gossip and if they're really together - secrets between couples don't exist. As far as I'm concerned. But it seems Miller is already keeping an eye on you without me asking (again, don't argue). I heard about your nighttime visitor… I really need an explanation here, princess. It's kind of driving me crazy.

And you're dream. It was beautiful. When I get home, nothing will make me happier than to take you. It's where O and I said goodbye to my mom. I go there sometimes by myself to talk to her. I'd love to introduce the two of you.

I should go call O now. I haven't talked to her since you got home from the hospital. She's been busy.

Love always,

Bellamy

* * *

 

October 17, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

I'm glad you're safe and I'd rather you be safe then rush back to camp just to video chat with me. We have email and it's more than enough for me - for now.

I didn't understand what you meant by nighttime visitor. So I asked Raven. I was asleep when it happened. It was after I woke up, but I was still so tired that I was still sleeping so much. Raven found him watching me (beyond creepy). She was trying to drag him out when Miller walked in. He had just gotten off shift and heard I was awake so he came to see me and found Finn and Raven arguing. He threw Finn out and was able to get security to ban Finn from my room while I was staying in the hospital. Neither of them wanted to tell me so I'm kind of upset that you found out before me. But I am thankful that they did deal with it so I didn't have to. I always knew we had good friends, Bell, but I forget how great they are sometimes.

He's called a few times since I got home, but it's nothing more than normal and I'm handling it. I answered last time he called and I told him I was happy and I moved on and wanted nothing to do with him again. He wasn't happy and said some not nice things. But I warned Miller and he said he'd keep an eye out for him causing any trouble.

And I can't wait to meet your mom. It's a date.

Love you and really miss you today,

Clarke

* * *

 

October 20, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

I promised you I would leave Finn alone, but if he keeps at it, I'm going to have to break that promise, Clarke. I'm a patient man, Clarke, but I will not share you with anyone. No matter how delusional this guy is. You're my girl, princess. My princess. I'm just warning you.

I still want to see you, but I heard you're going back to work soon. I'm not going to pretend I'm happy about this. You did just get shot and wake up, but I know how stubborn you are and you're probably miserable sitting around with nothing to do.

I spoke to O the other day and thank you for not telling her about us. I really want to be the one to do it. She's not going to be happy, but you're important to her. I'd rather she be mad at just me.

How are you doing though? O said you seemed to be a little down the other day.

Love you and miss you everyday,

Bellamy

* * *

 

October 23, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

I haven't responded to you because yes I wanted to get back to work. I absolutely hate sitting around. It's been so hard and I surprisingly really missed the hospital. I started about two days ago and it's been great. Tiring, but great. And before you freak out. I am taking it easy.

I've thought about it a lot lately. Remember the whole stuck in bed for weeks on end? And I changed my mind. I want to see you too. But I want to see you in person. I want to be able to wrap my arms around you and just hold you forever. So please don't be mad, but I don't think I could do the video chat thing. I just really miss you. I miss seeing your smile and hearing your laugh. Oh god, Bell, I even miss arguing with you.

And you're not telling O by yourself. I want to do it together. I want to be there with you. She's not going to be mad. And she's important to me too, but you're just as important. She's joked in the past about us being together. I think it was one of those things that would never happen in her eyes. I think she'll be okay with it.

It's just O looking too closely. I was beginning to realize that us having a talk face to face was not going to happen and I was disappointed. Not because of anything in particular. Just in general.

Miss you tons,

Clarke

PS - Is it weird how much I miss you when before I didn't even really care? Well, maybe I did and that's why this hurts so much.

* * *

 

October 30, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

I have to be honest, princess. I'm not mad, but I am disappointed. I really wanted to see you, but I understand. I think seeing you, but not being able to touch you would be worse. I mean talking to you on the phone all those months ago nearly killed me. Being able to hear you and talk to you, but not being able to see you or touch you. This is safer for my sanity and for the sanity of my unit. It seems without me even telling them they figured it out.

Murphy just walked in again and saw me sitting at one of the computers. He said he'd give me my privacy and slowly backed out. I swear I'm going to punch him one of these days. He's beyond annoying. But he's not wrong. Whenever I read your emails or write to you - I sort of get into this little bubble and I rarely realize what's going on around me. I mean the tent could explode and I wouldn't even realize it.

I would love for you to be with me when I tell O. The problem is - I sort of made her a promise. One I never imagined I would break. And I guess maybe I haven't broken it - yet. I promised her I wouldn't hook up with one of her friends. Like ever. After high school, she didn't trust me to have a serious relationship and it's not like I wanted one. I mean I was constantly on the move. Living in different cities or deployed. But that all changed when I came back from basic and met O's new best friend. And then she pissed me off within two seconds. You barely gave me a chance to think "Oh my god, she's beautiful," before you started complaining about losing our reservation and before I knew it I was calling you 'princess' and you were calling me 'an ass'.

Miss you more,

Bellamy

PS - It's not weird. This has been the longest deployment I've ever had. And it's not really - at least not in length. It's you. You keep me going and keep me sane over here. Having your emails these past months have been the best thing ever. I can't thank you enough. I was still surprised when you wrote back to me and signed it "stay in touch." My heart soared. And I know it's cheesy.

* * *

 

November 1, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

Alright. I'll let you tell Octavia by yourself. By that's only because of something she said yesterday. She was really missing you. It comes and goes in waves. Lincoln was throwing a Halloween party so all of O's friends could meet all of his friends. She had already met most of them and she was trying to set me up again. I told her I was happy where I was and I would be okay. She then switched the conversation to you (which surprised me at first). She said you almost said the exact same thing recently. And she tried to get it out of you before you finally caved (thanks for telling me by the way). O said you had met someone before your deployment and you have been emailing her for awhile. That she's pretty special to you and you think it might be getting serious. She was really happy that you had found someone and said "now if only you could, Clarke." As much as I would love to be by your side during that conversation, I think it's one your sister needs to have with her brother.

So the party was your typical party with the group. Lincoln and Octavia dressed up as these warriors with face paint and tattoos and everything. Miller was a cop (no surprise there) and Monty was a criminal (still not really surprised). Jasper and Maya dressed as mad scientists. Which was so adorable. Harper and Wells dressed as Cleopatra and Alexander. Raven and Wick, were, oh boy, it still makes me laugh just thinking about it, they dressed as those giant babies that have like moms attached to them. It was so creepy and so funny at the same time.

I had a hard time finding my costume and I almost didn't wear it because I thought it would be obvious, but Raven convinced me to do so. O made a comment, but I told her it was the only one left and I was too busy to find another. She seemed to believe it, but Lincoln gave me a knowing look. Everyone else seemed surprise, but didn't comment on it. I've attached a picture of all of us that O took and one I took of O and Lincoln and another that Raven took of me.

Last night a thought hit me, Bell. I looked around and all our friends were happy. They were all paired up and with someone they care about. And my heart was happy. Because my friends were happy. The only part that was missing was you. You were missed very much, by all. Not just me.

Not likely,

Clarke

PS - I have to be honest. I was still with Finn when I wrote that. I don't know why I did. It just felt natural. Now I'm glad I didn't think twice about it.

* * *

 

November 5, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

Wow, princess. You were gorgeous on Halloween. A solider? You do know I wear a lot more clothes than that. You break my heart when you do stuff like that and I'm not there to see it. Next year, you better wear it again. ;)

Everyone looked great and I really wish I was there. November is the worse month to be away. The holidays start and I really start to miss you all. I don't know how I'm going to survive this year (don't worry, I'm still fighting). O said she might set up a video chat for Thanksgiving so we can pretend we're all having dinner together. I hope you'll be there.

The pictures you sent, even without you telling me how happy they all are - I could see it. It made me happy too to see them all happy. Especially O. She was smiling so big with Lincoln. I have never seen her so happy before and I guess it's because of him. So maybe I should let him of the hook and just accept that this guy isn't going anywhere. No need for the 'I told you so,' princess. Yes, you tend to be right at times. I'll give you this one, but I believe I called the Monty and Miller one a few years ago.

You'll just have to trust me,

Bellamy

PS - I really don't want to think about that asshole - ever again.

* * *

 

November 12, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

November has gotten really busy at the hospital. It seems to bring the crazies out.

I'm really sorry the holidays are hard for you. I'll make sure to send some presents to cheer you up. And before you even start thinking - not those kind of presents.

I'm really sorry, but I won't be there for Thanksgiving. I seem to have been lucky and not had to work a lot of major holidays, but it seems my luck has run out and I'll be covering the ER on Thanksgiving. And I'll actually be spending the day with my mom. Which is weird that we will be spending our first Thanksgiving together in 5 years at the hospital.

And I will tell you 'I told you so' everyday for the rest of our lives and most importantly on the day Lincoln and O get married.

I always do,

Clarke

PS - I know, but if he wasn't such an asshole. I wouldn't have found my way to you. So I'm thankful for that at least.

* * *

November 20, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

For the rest of our lives? I think I like the sound of that. Then you went and ruined it talking about Lincoln and O getting married. If you're trying to be funny or give me a heart attack, please stop. I don’t think I can handle it. 

It sucks you have to work on Thanksgiving, but I'm glad you and your mom are doing better.

The holidays are always hard. Whether I'm over here or over there. This was mom's favorite time of the year so it's hard sometimes.

Missing you always,

Bellamy

PS - I like to think that he had nothing to do with you finding your way to me. That it was actually you're very female boss kissing you and the first person you tell is me.

* * *

 

November 29, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

I hope your Thanksgiving was good. O told me you weren't able to video chat. She was so excited to see you and I know it would have been good for both of you to see each other and talk. She's really been missing you lately. I think something is going on with her and Lincoln. She won't tell me and I'm afraid to push it because I know she'll push back. And if she pushes back - she'll find you.

It's getting harder and harder to keep this secret. It's like she knows something is going on and is constantly asking me how's everything going. And what's even worse is how happy I am and I want to tell my best friend. And I know I can't. I understand why. I'm okay with it really. It's just hard. Thank god for Raven. I'm able to talk to someone at least. But she's spending more and more time with Wick and it's hard to get some good old fashioned girl time in with the two of them.

Keep your head up, soldier. I'm waiting for you over here.

Love you always,

Clarke

PS - My very female boss? Please tell me you haven't been thinking about that. She's happily engaged to her girlfriend and they have a baby on the way. Don't ask. It's too weird.

* * *

 

December 2, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

Getting an email from you puts a smile on my face every time. You have no idea. But getting a package or even a hand written letter from you is amazing. They always still smell a little bit like you and it gives me something of yours to hold on to when I'm out of camp. It's amazing really. I use to see other guys get letters from their girls back home and they would always take it, stick it in their pocket and wander off to be alone. I never really got it until I got your first letter. Don't get me wrong. I love your emails. But there's something different about holding something that you held. It makes doing everything I'm doing over here and being away from you that much worth it.

I think its time you and O had one of your epic girls nights. I was always jealous when you two would wonder off somewhere and leave us boys by ourselves. I just wanted to be in the same room with you at every chance I got. But I think you two really need it and I think Raven would love it as well. Yes, I've been emailing a little bit here and there with her too. I wanted to thank her for reaching out to me when you couldn't and well it just snowballed. Don't worry. I won't fall in love with her. I've already given my heart away - a long time ago. We mostly talk about you. She really cares for you too. You've really become such a good friend to her. I'm proud of you. You didn't let what happened to you destroy either one of you.

So Clarke Griffin, invite your friends over and have a girls night. Get drunk, let your hair down, and enjoy yourself. You deserve a night off every now and then. Doctor's orders. ;)

Love you,

Bellamy

PS - I'm happy for them. Really. But I have been thinking about it. I'm a guy, princess. What did you expect when you told me that?

* * *

 

December 15, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

Octavia knows. And its all your fault.

She doesn't know-know, but she knows. You suggested stupid girls night and Raven (knowing my weakness for straight tequila makes me talk uncontrollably) got me good and drunk and then let O ask me all the questions she wants. I didn't speak to Raven until this morning because I was so mad at her. Did the two of you plan this in your little email chats? (And yes - I will be extremely pissed if you use the whole I'm-in-love-with-you-via-email trick on Raven. I will hunt you down, Blake. That's a promise.)

Well O knows. She knows I've been seeing someone. She doesn't know that I'm actually not physically seeing someone. She thinks I'm dating this guy I met after Finn and I don't know. She wanted all these details and I don’t know how I was vague enough to not lie, but told her enough to get her off my back. So now she wants to meet him. I guess you. Like now. And I have no idea what to do. Raven suggested hiring a guy to play my boyfriend. I said that was too much. I've got O to back off and wait. I said it was too early and I wanted to give it time before I introduced him to the crazies. She seemed to get that. She had wanted to keep Lincoln secret too - especially after the Atom debacle. But she was just too happy not to. Well that got me an interesting little look. Then she started in on the - are you really happy, Clarke? If you're not its okay.

I'm going to kill Raven. In all fairness to her (and if you repeat this I will beat you), she didn't know how serious this was and how we wanted to keep O in the dark. I explained it more to her. I'm sorry I had to tell her about your promise to O. And Raven being Raven said "you guys haven't slept together so you're good."

I swear to God. They're trying to kill me. Once O found out, it ran through the group so fast. Now Harper and Maya are teetering on the edge because they know and Maya and Jasper tell each other everything. And you know Jasper has the biggest mouth of them all. And he's best friends with Mr. Gossip Girl, Monty. Who's dating your best friend and will be so pissed if Monty finds out before him. Now I have a headache.

Bell, why are we friends with such dorks? Why can't it just be the two of us? When you get home, we are cutting them out of our lives for good? To hell with our little delinquents.

Not really. I know. I love them all. I'm just worried because if everyone knows - it won't be long before Octavia knows. And she'll kill me for not telling her.

I love you and please tell me what to do,

Clarke

PS - Of course you are. Why do you think I told you and no one else about that "kiss"? ;)

* * *

 

December 23, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

Oh, princess, you have your hands full over there, don't you?

Don't worry about O. I talked to her. I told her if you wanted to keep your new guy to yourself then that was up to you. Especially after Finn. I explained that what happened with Atom and Finn was different. Atom was an asshole, but Finn destroyed you. He broke your heart and left you not being able to trust. If you wanted to take your time with the new guy, then that was you're decision. I think she got the hint because shortly after she began hounding me about my "mystery girl." I very quickly got called away by my C.O.

And its all good. Raven emailed me and apologized too. Said she didn't know and I told her it was cool. That you were plenty angry for the both of us. I'm sure that's going to be a treat for you as well. I aim to please, princess.

When I get home, I am taking you away. Not long or far. Just to this little cabin I know of. I go there after I get home from deployment and spend three days just in the woods in the quiet. It's a beautiful place and I want to show it to you. Will you find some time in your schedule? I know you're busy and all, but I just want some time with you.

And I love you,

Bellamy

PS - What do you mean by "kiss"? Did this kiss not happen? Because that is just torture to me. Why would you even lie about something like that?

* * *

 

December 25, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

Merry Christmas, Bell. I hope your present got there in time. I worked on it really hard and it took me a long time to do. I hope you like it.

I just worked 36 hours and now I'm having breakfast with my mom before I head to O's for the rest of the day. You will be missed by all as usual. And I will make sure to give you an accurate accounting of the day's activities when I get home tonight. If I don't pass out before then.

I love you,

Clarke

PS - I had some questions and you weren't very forthcoming with the answers. ;)

* * *

 

December 27, 2013

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

I got your present yesterday. It's okay that it was late. I kept getting gifts from O for 12 days counting up to Christmas and even some from the guys. So it was nice after all was said and done to get an extra one from you. And, Clarke, it was beautiful. It was like a picture right out of your dream. I forget how amazing of an artist you are sometimes. Then I see something like this and it takes my breath away. I love it. I really do.

I talked to O yesterday too. She told me about Christmas. I'm sorry you got called away and couldn't really enjoy it. I hope your patient was okay.

I love you,

Bellamy

PS - I think I can be a little more forthcoming now. Care to ask them?

* * *

 

December 30, 2013

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

I'm really glad you liked it. Sorry it was late. Hospital stuff kept me from getting to the post office to mail it in time.

Unfortunately, we lost the patient. It was his time. He was older and had a DNR so he knew it was coming. He was actually an army vet. World War II. It was nice because I got to talk to him about you. I try and keep my personal life personal around patients, but he was wondering why I was on call on Christmas. I told him I had promised all the other interns I would work major holidays this year so they would cover them for me next year. He was a little confused so I explained my boyfriend (still weird to call you that) was deployed and couldn't be home for our first holidays together. So I was making sure I would be around next year and not stuck working.

He then wanted to know everything. Like how I could be so sure we would still be together next year. I told him that we had a very interesting relationship. And it took us awhile to get here, but now that we were. I didn't think anything would keep us from here in the future. And then he wanted to know everything. Talking to him was nice. I told him about you and my dad. How proud I was of both of you because of everything you do for those you love.

He was the sweetest man ever. He told me about his wife and how they met. It was right before his unit shipped out during World War II. How she wrote letters to him everyday. He couldn't write back, but he kept them all. And still had them after all these years. It was beautiful. He asked me to read some of them to him. Most didn't contain anything important. Just her day to day life. And I was surprised at how little has changed. My emails almost mirrored her letters. I just get the benefit of your replies. However, I think I will be keep all of these. Maybe make them into a book for the future.

I love you,

Clarke

PS - I think I got all of my answers.

* * *

 

January 1, 2014

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

Happy New Year, princess. I hope you had a quiet New Year's Eve. And weren't kissing any strangers at midnight.

I'm sorry about your patient. He sounded like a great guy. But he lived a good life. He served his country beautifully then came home and fell in love and lived a long life. I hope to be so lucky one day. I know I at least got one thing right, princess.

And I enjoy your emails about your day to day life more than you know. Being stuck out here is hard. It seems like there is nothing but war and violence and then you see a family with kids playing and they wave to you as you drive by and you remember the rest of the world is living still. Your emails about life make it easier to remember that everyone is living. O's never been really good at telling things. She jumps around and forgets half the story. Her emails are normally simple I did this, this, and this today. The guys are even worse. Nothing more than a hey man how's the desert. Life's good here. Talk to you soon. Raven's emails are another favorite of mine. Mostly because she talks about you. Tells me things you won't tell me. Like how you spent 12 hours in surgery with your mom (who you were fighting with at the time) because the little girl asked you to stay with her. That you missed the opportunity to scrub in with the Commander (still not happy about this "kiss") on a pretty remarkable surgery to stay with her.

It's why I love you with all my heart, princess. You have the largest heart of anyone I know. You worry more about others before yourself. And sometimes (very rarely) I wish you would stop and take some time for yourself.

Missing you, but be home soon,

Bellamy

PS - Then I'm glad you did it.

* * *

 

January 3, 2014

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

I do take time for myself. I take time to sit here and lock myself in my room and take my time and write to you. It's the best part of my day and I would do it everyday and tell you every mundane thing, but then it wouldn't be as special. I would be rushing in between patients to say a few words. So I take my time after a shift or after I've gotten a few hours of sleep and sit here and write to you. Sometimes I get to say everything I want and other times it's no more than a few words and I love you, but to me, that's more than enough. I'll keep it in mind and try to write more about my days more often. It's just all the same nothingness and I don't want to bore you with everything.

It's been a little bit calmer around the hospital now that the holidays are over. Some of the nurses warned us. They said it gets crazy from November to January 1 and then it just drops off. It's like everyone is recovering and putting their crazy away. Now we're just left with the usual crazy. Which is good, but kind of boring after being so use to all that was going on before.

And do you know what I love most about you? Your large heart. Really. You say I have one, but then I look at how you are with Octavia. How you've always looked out for her. How much you love her. But mostly how much she loves you. You know a person is good when they inspire that kind of love. It's not just O. It's Miller and Monty and Jasper. And even Raven who hasn't even met you yet. They all care about you. Because you inspire them to love you with such fierceness. It's really amazing. And I feel so lucky to be a part of a group of friends like this. But mostly. I feel so lucky to love you and have you love me in return. For that - I am the luckiest girl alive.

Counting down the days,

Clarke

PS - I knew you would.

* * *

 

January 7, 2014

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

Princess, I'm the luckiest guy in the world because you're mine. You really are amazing and I'm so happy that you finally woke up and realized some things. I'm counting down the days until I can wrap my arms around you and tell you all these things in person. I love being able to write to you so I have this history of everything, but I want to hold you and do it in person.

And our friends love you too, princess. It's not just me who inspires that kind of love. I wish I could have save and played all the conversations for you that I had when you were in the hospital. The tearful phone calls from Monty. The rambling ones with Jasper - always wondering what he could do to help. Miller's constant worrying. 'Bell, what if she doesn't wake up? What do we do?' It was very similar to your email when you thought I was gone. Miller kept repeating 'you're gone and if Clarke's gone, what do we do? What do I do?' I had to keep reminding him that neither one of us was gone and he just needed to remind everyone else of that. And well you know O. She would call give an update and then spend an hour yelling about how you were almost as much of an idiot as me? I think there was a compliment somewhere in there. Not sure who it's directed at though.

So take some time to enjoy our friends now, princess. Because when I get home, I don’t think you'll be seeing much of them for awhile.

A little over a month left,

Bellamy

PS - It's scary how well you know me. Not as scary as how well I know you.

* * *

 

January 12, 2014

To: Bblake@gmail.com

From: clarkegriffin@gmail.com 

I tried calling you, but a woman, Monroe, answered and said your unit was out of camp for the next few days and I really don't want to do this like this, but I'm so goddamn angry with you, Bellamy Blake. I mean Octavia gets a phone call. And I get it, she's your sister and we agreed not to do the whole phone call thing because we're … I don't know what we are … stuck in some sort of limbo. But this - this deserved a phone call, Bellamy!

You don't just start this - whatever this is and then decide to re-enlist. Unilaterally! Without discussing it with anyone! Not Octavia! Not me! Not anyone!

And you know. You know how I feel about this. You know I wouldn't have done this - whatever this is - if you were planning on re-enlisting. Not after my dad. Not after losing him. I can't lose anyone else like that. Especially you. I can't lose you like that too. Please. Please. I would never give you an ultimatum, but I can't do this if you're going to do this. And I - I think maybe we should just take a break with this or put it on pause.

I just don't know, Bellamy. I'm just so hurt and confused. I walked away after I wrote everything above this. I thought maybe some time and distance would be helpful, but I don't think it did. I really wish you had talked to me about this. I've talked to Octavia and I still don't understand why - why you want to do this again. Every time you come home all you do is complain about it. I get this is your job. This is your life. And I don't know what I would do if you ever asked me not to be a surgeon or a doctor. And I'm not asking you not to be a soldier. I just - I wish you would have at least called me. Or talked to me. Or something.

Please, don't hate me. I still love you. And writing this, to you, is breaking my heart. But I just can't do this anymore.

I'm sorry,

Clarke

* * *

 

January 17, 2014

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

Don't do this, Clarke. Don't do this. Don't make me choose. Because I won't. I can't choose between you and my career - my life. I wasn't aware this - whatever this is - was at the point where we start making long term decisions with the other. It's not like you discussed working 80 hours a week as a surgeon with me. Or running towards a crazy man shooting up a hospital. You know, almost dying. I wouldn't have ended this - whatever this is - for the same reasons you are.

I've tried calling you, but now you choose to start ignoring me again. Now, princess. You can't just start something - like this - and then just stop when it gets too hard. You can't keep running from every commitment. You can't run and blame your dad or Finn. You have to stop running, princess. Please. Stop running. If you have to run, run to me. I'm here. I always have been. I've just been waiting for you. To. Stop. Running.

* * *

 

January 22, 2014

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

According to Raven, you've marked all my emails for spam. That you're not even reading them at this point. I really hope that's not true, princess. Because I promised you I'd keep fighting, but you promised to be waiting for me. And if you're not waiting for me, I don't know what I'm fighting for anymore.

* * *

 

January 24, 2014

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com

You can keep ignoring me all you want, princess. I'm use to it after all these years from you. But I'll be home soon. Less than a month now. And you can bet that I'm not going to let you walk away from me - from us. So get use to seeing me around. I'll be there and I'll be there everyday until you get over this and you realize how idiotic you're being. I didn't call you an idiot - so don't start yelling at me. I said you were acting idiotic. And I know I've acted idiotic in the past. Especially when it comes to you and I'm not going to let you do that to us.

* * *

 

January 30, 2014

To: clarkegriffin@gmail.com

From: Bblake@gmail.com 

We leave tomorrow. I'll be on a flight to Germany to a base for debriefing. Then we'll be on a flight to the States were we will land at the base. From there, I'll catch a commercial flight home. O said she and Lincoln will be there. She asked who else wanted to go. Said mostly everyone was working, but you. You weren't suppose to work and at the last minute switched with someone else at the hospital. I don't blame you. I know you're mad at me. I get why. I do. But just know if I don't see you when I get home. I'll see you the next day. Because I told you I would be there everyday until you talked to me. And I always keep my promises, princess.

See you soon,

Bellamy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost to the end. So don't worry. We're going to have that happy ending. I promise. 
> 
> Comments, kudos, and bookmarks are always welcome.


	4. ... And they lived happily ever after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy returns from his tour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes before you start reading. 
> 
> Some of the names for kids are a little funny. I got the idea from One Tree Hill all the original girls named one of their children with their last name and I loved that idea so I tried to replicate it here. Didn't work out as well, but I'm happy with it.
> 
> Finn - I originally didn't include him in this chapter, but after reading the previous chapter again I think we needed closure there. I have to be honest. I never liked Finn even before I really started watching the show. I didn't like Bellamy either - until Clarke almost fell into the pit while trying to rescue Jasper in the first few episodes. All I thought was "and there's the ship." It took a few more episodes for me to be a part of that ship.
> 
> Finally, does anyone know who sings that cover of Knocking on Heaven's Door? I can't find it anywhere.

Clarke reread his email for the hundredth time that day alone. She had read all of his emails. She had asked Raven to mark them for spam, but she knew how to find her spam folder. She got every one. And they broke her heart. All of them, but none as much as the one marked January 22. Bellamy was so heartbroken in it and Clarke hated being the one to do that to him, but she knew things would be worse if he went back over there and she lost him like she lost her dad.

"Hey, sweetie," Abby looked down at Clarke sitting behind the nurse's desk.

"Hey, Mom," Clarke sat up straighter and stuck her phone in the pocket of her white coat.

"Today's the big day, isn't it?"

"What?"

"Today. Isn't today when Bellamy gets home?" Abby looked up from the patient's file she was signing.

"Oh, yeah. I think Octavia is picking him up," Clarke focused on the computer screen in front of her. Not even seeing it.

"Why aren't you going?"

"It's Bellamy, Mom. He doesn't want me there."

"Really? I thought you two were together now?"

"What?" Clarke looked up shocked.

Abby walked around the desk and sat in the chair next to her daughter.

"Come on, Clarke. Did you not think I noticed? You're constantly checking your phone and not for texts or calls, but your email. I catch you walking around with the biggest grin and you just shrug it off and say you read something funny. The only person I am aware you are emailing is Bellamy."

"I didn't know you knew we were emailing."

"I overheard Raven and you talking after you got released from the hospital. Octavia doesn't know?"

"Bellamy wanted to talk to her when he got home."

"I think she knows. It's hard to keep something from someone you're close too. Someone you've known your whole life. How do you think I knew my daughter had fallen in love?"

Clarke looked down at her hands, "Mom, I'm sorry. I - I didn't know who to talk to. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"Clarke, sweetie. It's okay. I know we don’t always get along, but I just want to see you happy and I know he makes you happy. So why aren't you there?"

"I - I don't know. He wants to re-enlist. He wants to go back over there. I don't know if I can do this again. The constant worrying. Every time the phone rings late at night, I think its Octavia calling to tell me - to tell me - he's gone," Clarke sobs once.

"Sweetie, is this because of your dad?" When Clarke nods her head, Abby continues, "Your father died doing what he loved. He was a father, a husband, and a soldier. Those were his three most important roles. He loved you, he loved us, but he also loved his country and he loved serving it. He went into the reserves after you were born to spend more time at home. His favorite weekends were the ones he got to spend with you, but he also loved the weekends he was with his unit. He died in a tragic accident - a training exercise. But he loved what he did."

Clarke felt tears streaming down her face and her mom leaned over and wiped them away gently and continued, "Your father would be so proud of the young woman you have become. But he would want you to love and to love with all of your heart. And you love Bellamy. I can see it. Everyone can see it. Don't be scared because of your dad. He wouldn't want you to. He would want you to get up from here, go get changed, and go to the airport and meet him coming off that plane."

Clarke looked at her, "I can't. I’m covering for Maya."

"Go, I'll take care of it. Just go," Abby pulled Clarke to her feet and hugged her daughter.

"I'll drive you," Raven was standing on the other side of the desk smirking at her.

"How did you know?" Clarke raises an eyebrow at her.

"Lucky guess. Also, I was hoping you wouldn't be as stupid as you have been acting the last few weeks."

Clarke rolled her eyes and motioned for Raven to follow her to the locker room. She got changed into the jeans and t-shirt she wore to the hospital.

"Can you take me home first? I really need to change," Clarke asked once she was next to Raven again.

"Sure. You need to dress up a little bit. You know?" Raven wagged her eyebrows at Clarke.

"No. I wore these to the hospital two days ago and spilled coffee on them. A shower would also be good too."

"Well you've got about an hour before his plane lands and I need a good twenty minutes to get you to the airport."

"I only need a half hour," Clarke jumped from the car as soon as they pulled up outside their apartment building. She was able to shower and throw on a cleaner pair of jeans, a simple t-shirt and a sweater. She added a little makeup so she didn't look like a ghost and pulled on a pair of boots to navigate the snow mounds that had appeared in the last few weeks.

Raven was standing by the door with her eye on her watch and her phone against her ear, "Yeah, no, don't worry. It will work out fine. Oh hey, Clarke. Gotta go."

"Ready?" Raven looked to Clarke, who stood there and just started at the door.

"Clarke, you ready?"

Clarke's eyes snapped to Raven, "Yeah. I'm ready."

On the ride there, Clarke's legs shook and her hands fidgeted. She couldn't stop moving.

"Relax, Clarke. Once he sees you, he's going to forget all about your stupidity."

Clarke shot Raven a look, "He already has." 

"And how do you know?" Raven glances at Clarke out of the corner of her eye.

"Just because you send an email to spam doesn't mean I don't know how to find it," Clarke sighs and Raven just smiles.

 

"Clarke, this is my third phone call. I called when I landed in Germany. And when I landed stateside. Now I'm home. And I really hope you're getting some of these. O says you're at the hospital, but you should get out early. I'll see you at your apartment tonight. Raven will probably let me in. If you're not there, don't doubt that I won't show up at the hospital and search every on call room until I find you. Just answer the damn phone already," Bellamy sighed as he hung up the phone. He was standing still inside the security gate. He wanted to call her before he went out and saw Octavia.

He took a deep breath and shoved off the wall throwing his pack over his shoulder. He was still wearing his camos as he walked through the airport. A few people smiled at him as he walked past. He learned a long time ago that this was normal so he simply nodded in their direction. One little kid looked and pointed to him before turning to his mom and shouting something excitedly. Bellamy just smiled and kept walking.

When he cleared the gate, he headed to baggage claim and looked around. He knew he would have a hard time locating Octavia in a crowd, so he looked for Lincoln. Thanks to numerous pictures, it was easy to spot the larger man. Lincoln must have spot him a few minutes before. Easier to spot someone in camo in the busy airport. He began walking in his direction, but hadn't made it even two steps before the tornado that was his sister came running out of the crowd.

"Bellamy!" Octavia yelled as she jumped into his arms. He was prepared and was able to drop his pack before Octavia plowed into him.

"O," he wrapped his arms around her and tucked his face into her hair smelling deeply. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too, big brother," Octavia held on tightly. Then moved away too soon and wiped tears from her face. "Now let's get going. Raven is keeping tabs on at the hospital. So we'll know where she is at all times. But who knows how long before she gets pulled into a surgery or something."

"O. O, wait. What are you talking about?"

"Clarke. You're going to talk to her, right? About the re-enlisting? She's pissed at you. Like I am, but if you apologize and pull some of that Blake charm, I think you can get her back."

"Octavia. I - I don't understand what - what you're talking about."

His little sister sighed as Lincoln stepped closer to keep others from pressing in between him and Octavia, "Big brother, did you think I didn't figure it out? Come on. I'm not blind or stupid. You tell me you meet a girl right before you deploy and that you've been emailing her. Then Clarke mentions that you two are emailing. Then Clarke gets shot and you call me in a panic. And call everyday until she wakes up. Then Clarke tells me she's seeing a guy, but it's too early for me to meet him. Then gets so pissed when I tell her you're re-enlisting. And practically throws herself into her work. Which she did when she found out about Finn and after her dad died. So its sort of code for Clarke beings so extremely upset that she can't even function. Then at the last minute, after I invited her weeks ago to come get you, she tells me she has to work."

"O. I wanted -"

"It's okay, Bell. My two favorite people fell in love. Over email of all things. Well maybe not email. I had a feeling you cared about her for awhile. And she pretended like she hated you, but she still worried about you over there. So I knew she cared. You two are perfect for each other. And I want you both to be happy. So Bellamy Blake, let's go get your girl."

Bellamy smiled at his sister before wrapping his arms around her, "Thank you."

Lincoln leaned in and said, "I think she's already here."

Bellamy turned to where Lincoln pointed and Octavia looked over her brother's shoulder to see Clarke standing a few feet away. Her hair still slightly wet from a recent shower, but hanging around her shoulders.

He looked down at his little sister still in his arms, "Go get her, Bell." He gave O one more squeeze before turning and walking towards Clarke.

 

Clarke saw him hug Octavia one last time and then start walking towards her. She still didn't know what she was going to say, but her feet started moving towards him without her thinking. The closer she got, the harder it was to walk slowly. She began to jog and then run and before she knew it her arms were around his neck and his arms were holding her tight.

 

Having Clarke in his arms was feeling like the was finally home.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," Clarke kept repeating over and over again.

"Princess," he tried to talk over her, but she just keep repeating herself. "Clarke," he said firmly and pulled back to look in her eyes and she finally stopped.

"You were right. I was wrong. I should have discussed it with you. I would be pissed if you all of a sudden decided to join Doctors Without Borders for a year and just took off without talking to me. I knew about your dad and I was scared that I would have to choose between you and my job -"

"Bell, I would never make you choose. You know that right?" Clarke cut in and was slowly shaking her head.

"I do know that, but I was still scared I would have to choose and I couldn't lose you. Not now. Not ever. I won't re-enlist. You and Octavia are too important to me and I can't do that to you both."

Clarke was shaking her head as he talked, "No. If you want to re-enlist. Then do it. I support you. It's what you love and I don't want to be the one to take that away from you. I was scared of losing you. I lost my dad and I can't lose you like that too, but he loved what he did. After my mom and I it was the most important thing in his life. I don't want to take that away from you."

He released a breath and leaned down to place his forehead against hers, "Think you can convince Octavia of that?" He chuckled softly.

"She'll be okay. We both will. As long as you come home."

"Always, princess. Always," he leaned down to kiss her and she placed a hand at the back of his neck and pulled him closer.

He faintly heard clapping and cheering nearby and when Clarke pulled away he sighed in frustration. She chuckled and said quietly, "Bell. We have an audience."

Bellamy looked up to see all of their friends standing on the other side of the baggage claim. Monty and Jasper were holding a sign above their head that said "Welcome Home, King of the Delinquents!" On either side of them Raven and Miller stood whistling and clapping their hands. Octavia was standing next to Raven with Lincoln and she was smiling with tears in her eyes as Lincoln clapped along with everyone else.

"Come on," Clarke pulled him towards their friends. "Your family wants to welcome you home," she gave him a small smile and he could feel the width of his own grin crossing his face as he allowed her to drag him over to them.

Jasper and Monty nearly tackled him and whacked him over the head with their sign before Raven and Lincoln took it from them. After he reassured them repeatedly that he wasn't suffering any PTSD or psychotic breaks they finally released him. He turned to Miller who stuck his hand out and quietly said 'welcome home' before Bellamy reached out to hug him - a very manly hug - and whispered his thanks for taking care of everything.

Bellamy turned to Raven next who said, "It's nice to finally meet you in person, Bellamy Blake."

Bellamy just laughed and hugged her, "Same to you, Raven Reyes."

When he turned to Lincoln, Octavia looked scared for a minute and Bellamy just put his hand out to shake the other man's hand. He long ago realized that Lincoln loved Octavia as almost as much as Bellamy did and if he was willing to love her and protect her - that's all Bellamy could ask for from someone Octavia wanted in her life.

"Welcome home, Bellamy," Lincoln shook his hand and Octavia visibly deflated from the tension.

"Thanks, Lincoln. And thanks for taking care of my little sister."

"It was my pleasure," Lincoln wrapped an arm around Octavia's waist and Bellamy's eyes darted to the that, but he took a deep breath and he felt Clarke's hand slip into his. Octavia's eyes flitted down to their entwined hands and smiled back at her brother.

"Alright!" She called out to the group. "Let's get my brother home so he can shower and change before his big party tonight."

"What party?" Clarke looked confused.

"While you were being stupid, Octavia and I have been planning the welcome home party you were suppose to be planning," Raven pointed an accusatory finger at Clarke.

Clarke just rolled her eyes at Raven and Bellamy squeezed her hand.

Raven pulled her keys out of her pocket and handed them to Clarke, "Here, you drive him home and then you two come to the apartment in like two hours and we'll be ready for you."

"How are you going to get home?" Clarke looked at her roommate.

"Octavia and I have a few errands to run. So I'm thinking Lincoln will drive us," she laughed and hugged Clarke whispering something in her ear that Bellamy couldn't hear.

Octavia rounded on the other boys, "We need your help too. So Miller follow Lincoln back to Clarke and Raven's apartment." Miller nodded and slipped his hand into Monty's and led the two out followed by the others with Jasper waving the sign over his head and singing, "Long live the King and Queen" as he exited and getting a few glances from people.

Bellamy turned around to say something to Clarke only to find her gone. As he scanned the baggage claim, he found her trying to carry his pack from where he dropped it. He laughed and shook his head as he went over and picked it up from her.

"Did you bring the whole desert back with you?" Clarke sighed as she watched him pick up the bag easily and Bellamy just laughed.

 

Clarke stood in his living room for the first time in maybe two years. They didn't spend much time here. Mostly hanging out at her apartment over the years and she looked around. A few pictures had changed over time, but for the most part it hadn't changed in the years since she had known him. As she looked more closely, she saw as many pictures of herself as Octavia and she laughed wondering how she didn't realize it sooner.

"What's so funny, princess?" Clarke turned around as Bellamy was walking out of his room. Wearing just jeans and a t-shirt. Still slightly damp from his shower.

"Nothing. Just wondering how everything was so obvious and it took us this long to see it."

"No. It just took _you_ this long to see it."

Clarke glanced down at a picture of their group of friends from about two years ago. She remembered taking it, but had never seen the result. She was sitting on a couch with Octavia next to her and Monty on the other side of Octavia. Jasper and Miller were standing behind her and Octavia and Bellamy was behind Monty. Everyone was laughing at something Jasper had said just before the camera flashed and Clarke remembered laughing so hard she cried, but now she could only see Bellamy watching her laugh with a small smile on his face.

"See," Bellamy said quietly behind her. "You just had to open your eyes and look." He leaned down and rested his chin on her shoulder and his arms around her waist while she continued staring at the picture.

"Well, seeing as I've never actually seen this picture. You can't really blame me," she placed the picture down and turned in him arms to wrap her arms around his neck.

"No. I guess you're forgiven this time," he leaned down to kiss her and it was different than the kiss in the airport. It was slower and deeper and it made her stomach flip and drop lower. It quite literally took her breath away.

His phone ringing from the kitchen broke them apart as he walked over and picked it up, "What?"

Clarke turned to look at other pictures while she felt Bellamy's eyes on her the whole time.

"Sorry. My phone must have died. I didn't get a chance to charge it," he paused. "I don't know. I'll ask her. Clarke?"

"Hmm," she turned around to look at him.

"Where's your phone? O is freaking out," he smirked at her. "Says we're going to be late for my party."

Clarke smiled and shook her head, "It died while I was at work and I forgot to bring a charger with me. I just have my work phone."

"Did you hear that, O? Yeah, okay. We're leaving now. No, O. I'm not going to respond to that."  
  
Clarke smiled, knowing Octavia, she probably made an inappropriate comment about them having sex or something. 

She watched him hang up and the phone and sigh, "We're wanted at your apartment."

 

Bellamy followed Clarke into her building and she easily reached for his hand while they walked onto the elevator. When they got to her door, she reached down to unlock it right before it was pulled open by Octavia.

"Finally! They're here!" She yelled back into the apartment.

Clarke stepped back to allow Bellamy to enter first and he glanced down at her as he passed her and moved into the apartment. He glanced around at the twenty plus people standing there all smiling at him. He didn't recognize any of them. He looked down at Octavia, "What's going on?"

"Some people wanted to say 'welcome home'," she responded with a shrug as Clarke followed him and crossed the room to some people.

He watched her as she hugged a girl with darker blonde hair and a boy with dark skin. He immediately recognized them from a Halloween picture. Not their names, but they worked with Clarke and had sent toys for the kids and cookies for the guys in his unit.

"Hey Bell," Jasper had walked up to him followed by a girl with pale skin and dark hair. "This is Maya. She works with Clarke at the hospital."

"Right, you baked cookies for my guys. Thank you," he reached over to shake her hand.

"It was my pleasure," Maya shook his hand and then looked over her shoulder to where Clarke was standing. "I had some help from Harper. She works with Clarke and me."

"Well, thank you anyway. You made a lot of guys happy. Myself included."

Maya looked a little surprised  and glanced at Clarke who had walked back over to them, "I don't think that was me."

 

Clarke talked with everyone who came and made sure they all had something to drink or something to eat. As the night wore on and people started to slowly leave, she noticed Bellamy sitting in the corner with a beer that she was pretty sure she had given him an hour ago and was probably still full. He looked exhausted.

"Hey," Raven was standing next to Clarke and glanced in Bellamy's direction. "I'm going to stay with Wick tonight. Leave the mess. I'll clean it up tomorrow. You should take care of him tonight." Raven wiggled her eyebrows at Clarke who just shook her head.

"He's dead on his feet, Raven."

"So…?" Clarke laughed at the confused look on Raven's face and pushed her towards the door where Wick was standing.

"Have a good night, Wick," Clarke called out to him. "And do something about this one, will you?"

"I've been trying, Clarke," Wick leaned down and hugged her as he took Raven's hand.

Bellamy appeared behind her and wrapped an arm around Clarke, "Thanks for coming." He placed a hand out for Wick to shake.

"Yeah. Of course. You know? No hard feelings right? About 'the date.' I was not aware I was going on a date with anyone other than Raven that night," Wick shook Bellamy's hand.

"Of course not. I heard all about it," Bellamy chuckled and pulled Clarke closer.

Raven looked to Clarke and raised her eyebrows, "Alright, Griffin, older Blake. See you guys tomorrow and welcome home again, Bellamy."

"Hey, we'll walk down with you," Octavia came from the kitchen with Lincoln behind her carrying two trash bags. "I cleaned the essentials out of the kitchen, but I'll be back tomorrow to get the rest of the stuff that won't stink up the apartment."

"Thanks, O," Clarke hugged her friend.

"And you, big brother," Octavia wrapped her arms around him and he returned the hug. "I love you and I'm really glad you're home. Even if you're going to leave me again."

She pulled away and he searched her eyes not seeing any sadness in them.

"Breakfast tomorrow? Just us?" Octavia asked and he nodded a yes before hugging her again.

Lincoln nodded a goodbye to Bellamy and placed a kiss on Clarke's cheek, "Goodnight, guys."

Clarke walked their friends to the door and watched them walk down the hall until the elevator doors closed. She closed and locked the door and turned to face Bellamy.

"You should get some sleep. You look exhausted."

"I wasn't aware this was already a sleepover relationship, princess."

Bellamy smirked at her and she swatted his arm before wrapping her arms around his waist and tilting her head back to look up at him, "Do you really think I'm going to let you out of my sight anytime soon?" 

"Hmm. I like you're thinking, princess," he leaned down to kiss her, but it was nothing more than that. He was exhausted and she would never push him like that. She was content to just curl up next to him and bed and wake up wrapped in his arms.

 

The next few days were much of the same. Clarke was working extra hours at the hospital because she had taken a few days off like he had asked her to. Bellamy spent a lot of time at her apartment hanging out with their various friends. After a few days, they seemed to all have gotten the one on one time with him and most nights it was him and Raven sitting on a couch watching TV until Clarke came home or Wick called to tell Raven he was home and she would skip off to spend the night with him.

Finally, he took her to the cabin he always went to after he finished a tour. Octavia never understood why he needed to leave again after coming home, but she wouldn't complain too much about him leaving. This time she seemed to feel better that Clarke was going with him. They spent three days wrapped up in each other and he had always needed this time alone after a tour, but having Clarke here changed everything. It was so different - yet the same. 

They were spending all of their nights wrapped up in bed and their days wrapped in blankets around a fire, she caught him up on the things he had missed in the last few weeks of his tour when all he got was radio silence from her. He told her about his upcoming plans to visit Murphy, one of the guys in his unit. They took a fishing trip every year for a weekend after they got back from a tour. He asked her to come because Murphy was recently engaged and both men had wanted to introduce their girls to the other.

* * *

 

A little over a year later, they headed to the lake as they often did - especially when it was warm out. They enjoyed the lazy days in the sun. Her sketching and him reading, but this time he had other plans.

Clarke laid out the blanket they always brought with them and Bellamy unpacked the food he brought this time as she watched from her spot on the blanket.

"Champagne. Strawberries. Chocolate. What's going on, Bell?"

Bellamy looked up and met her eyes, "Just wanted to spoil you before I left you, princess."

She would have believed him if he had smirked or something, but as she watched him finishing unpacking she noticed he was nervous. He lacked his usual confidence and had been quiet the whole drive here. She thought it was because he was leaving in a week for his last tour. He had made her a promise. One more tour and then he was done and she was going to keep him to it. She supported him going, but if he said this was the last one, then she wanted to believe him.

Bellamy sat next to her and handed her a plastic cup with champagne and poured himself one.

"What are we toasting to?" Clarke watched him closely hoping he would give something away.

"How about to us? It's been a year and we haven't killed each other yet."

"To us," she tapped her glass to his and took a sip while watching him. "We've had a few close calls."

He smirked at her recalling all their fights since they got together, "You know, I just push your buttons because you're sexy as hell when you're mad."

"Bellamy!" She shoved his shoulder and felt her face warming. "How romantic, Blake." She turned to look out over the lake.

"I can be romantic, princess," he scoffed and then put his cup down and began digging in the basket again. "How's this for romance?"

She turned to look at him rolling her eyes, but stopped when he saw what he was holding in his hand. A black velvet ring box.

"Clarke Griffin, you make me mad as hell, but I'd rather spend the rest of my life fighting with you then loving anyone else. Will you marry me?" He opened the box with shaking hands and Clarke looked up into his face and saw the vulnerability in his face. He was actually scared she would say no and Clarke simply stared at him for a few minutes not comprehending how she could ever _not_  want to marry him.

"Clarke? I kind of need an answer here, princess," his eyes widened and his cheeks turned a little red.

"Yes," she breathed quietly. She cleared her throat, "Yes." 

The smile that overtook his face took her breath away. It was a smile that she rarely saw, but it was her favorite and she dropped her cup to throw her arms around his neck and pull him in for a kiss that took both their breaths away.

 

The next day, the whole group met at their favorite bar. It was suppose to be a going away party for Bellamy, but they were excited to announce their engagement to their group of friends.

When they told everyone, they got a variety of responses.

"Finally!" Octavia yelled as she hugged her brother and best friend at the same time. "Keeping this secret was killing me." They both laughed with her.

"Mom and Dad are getting married!" Jasper was singing and twirling Maya around and Clarke just shook her head at them when Bellamy met her eyes and she mouthed 'don't ask' to him.

Miller and Monty hugged them each and congratulated them next. Lincoln shook hands with Bellamy and hugged Clarke. Harper hugged Clarke and then Bellamy and Wells smiled without letting go of Harper's hand.

Raven's response was the most startling. After everything died down and Wick was in conversation with Bellamy, she came up to Clarke with tears in her eyes., "I'm so happy for you, Clarke. You deserve all the happiness in the world and I know he can live up to that." The tears were threatening to spill and before long they finally did sliding down her face.

"Raven? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Don't worry about me. Today's about you. I'm just being over emotional and all. It's not a big deal," she took a deep breath and then gave Clarke a shaky smile. That's when it hit Clarke.

"Are you pregnant?!" Clarke whispered.

Raven bite her lip, but nodded three times.

"Does Wick know?" Clarke breathed afraid he might overhear.

"Yes," Raven laughed and then the brightest smile crossed her face.

"I'm so happy for you!" Clarke shrieked and threw her arms around her friend and hugged her tight. Everyone turned and looked at them and Clarke caught Wick's smile over Raven's shoulder.

Clarke turned towards Bellamy and smiled "We need drinks and lots of drinks over here. Not Raven though." She turned back towards her, "It's going to be awhile before one of my maids of honor can drink again."

Octavia appeared next to the two, "Is there something you want to tell me?"

Clarke looked at Raven who said, "No. It can wait. Today is about Clarke and Bellamy."

"No," Clarke shook her head. "Today is about our family and it's getting bigger."

Octavia looked at Clarke then Raven and said, "Am I going to be an aunt?"

"Yes," Raven said. "But not what you're thinking."

Octavia looked from Clarke to Raven again, "YOU'RE PREGNANT!"

Clarke laughed while Raven nodded her head. Octavia squealed and jumped up and down before wrapping her arms around Raven.

Clarke watched her two friends who had some how become friends with each other in the last two years. She felt Bellamy come up behind her, "I was really worried that there was something you weren't telling me, princess."

Clarke turned to look at him, "Don't worry. You'll always be the first to know." 

"Good," he smiled and leaned down to kiss her.

* * *

 

Raven was about seven and a half months pregnant and had begged Clarke to go to their favorite lunch spot together. She was craving a sandwich from there so badly and nobody but Clarke and Raven enjoyed it. They were sitting near the door laughing and talking over the leftovers of their lunches.

Raven was explaining Wick's latest foray into the pregnancy world. He was so excited to be a dad that he kept looking into everything he could possibly find. He had recently watched a video of a birth and it had freaked him out so much he had broke down apologizing to Raven for making her go through with the pregnancy. He promised they would adopt or not have anymore kids because he didn't want her to go through another birth.

It was so sweet, but both knew he would be singing a different tune after the birth. They both knew it was beautiful miracle and he just needed to see it for himself.

"He just kept going on and on saying 'I'm so sorry, Raven. I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you. I promise.'" Raven said laughing. They both took a deep breath trying to calm their laughter.

Raven caught Clarke spinning her engagement ring. She didn't get to wear it at work so whenever she did it felt a little odd on her finger for awhile until she got use to it. Then she felt naked without it until she got use to it again.

Raven placed her hand over Clarke's, "Hey. He's going to be fine, you know that right?"

Clarke smiled, "Yeah. I do. I just know he hates missing this. The everyday, little things that happen in our lives. So whenever I hear one, it makes me sad that he's not here again."

Raven smiled and patted Clarke's hand before bringing it back to rest on her stomach, "Well don't worry. I'll email him and tell him all about Wick's antics. Then when he's the frantic dad-to-be we can all make fun of him."

Clarke blushed not even realizing that someday it would be her sitting here with Raven and telling her about Bellamy stressing about being a dad.

"Clarke? Raven?" Both girls heads snapped up at the familiar voice they hadn't heard in over a year.

"Finn," Raven said quietly while he just stared at Clarke.

He turned to face Raven, "Wow, Raven. You look great."

"Uh, thanks," Raven narrowed her eyes at him.

"I heard you were pregnant, but I guess seeing is believing," Finn smiled. "Congratulations, I guess."

"Thanks," Raven smiled and played with the simple gold band on her right hand. Wick had made it for her and had promised when she was ready they would get married. Clarke knew she wanted to get married, but was still having trust issues. Raven loved Wick and was excited to start a family with him, but something as permanent as marriage still scared her.

While Clarke watched her friend, she felt Finn's eyes on her and she had to stop herself from shuddering. She turned to meet his eyes and he smiled so large that Clarke felt bad and offered him a small smile in return.

"You look great too, Clarke."

"Thank you," Clarke wrapped her hand around her coffee and took a small sip.

"So. How have you been?" It was directed to Clarke and Clarke let her eyes slide to Raven who was making a point of wiping the condensation off her water glass.

"Good. Busy at the hospital. Helping Raven get ready for the baby and planning the wedding," Clarke smiled.

"Oh," Finn turned back to Raven. "You're getting married too. Congrats, Raven. I'm happy for you."

"Uh, yes. But she's talking about her own wedding," Raven glanced to Clarke.

Finn's head snapped back to Clarke and he glanced down at the hand that was still curled around her coffee mug where her engagement ring was on display.

"I wasn't aware you were seeing anyone," Finn said through a tight lip.

"Last we spoke, I told you I was dating someone."

"Yeah, but that was only a few weeks after we broke. I assumed you were just trying to make me jealous."

Raven snorted and covered it with a cough. As Clarke glanced at her and then back to Finn. "No. I wasn't trying to make you jealous. I was trying to get you to leave me alone. My boyfriend - now, fiancée - didn't like you hanging around me."

"What? That cop? Was he jealous that we had something before him?"

"That cop was a friend. My fiancée is in the army and I had something with him long before you came around, Finn," Clarke's voice had risen.

"Octavia's brother?! You're engaged to Bellamy?! You hate him?!"

Clarke sighed. It wasn't the first time she had gotten this response and she had her answer prepared, "It's a fine line between love and hate, Finn. Raven, we should get going. We're going to be late for the cake tasting."

"Sure thing," Raven stood up slowly and Clarke placed money on the table to cover the bill.

As she tried to move around Finn, he reached out and grabbed her arm, "Clarke, you're making a mistake marrying him. He doesn't know you. Not like I do."

Clarke didn't know what came over her. The accusation that Bellamy didn't know her or that marrying him was a mistake. One of them - most likely both of them - made her snap and she only saw red. Before she knew it Raven was pulling her arm towards the door and telling her they had to go and Clarke was looking down at Finn sprawled on the floor holding his jaw in his hand and Clarke's hand hurt.

Once they made it outside, Raven burst into uncontrollable laughter, "That was the best thing I've ever seen in my life. You just knocked him out like it was nothing. God, I wish I wasn't pregnant so I could have done it."

"I - I don't know what happened. I didn't mean to do that. He - he just said those things," Clarke was shaking her head and holding her hand. She was going to need ice soon.

"Clarke," Raven took her hand and stopped her. "You were angry because of what he said about Bellamy. You know he doesn't know what he's talking about, right?"

Clarke sighed, "Yeah. I do. I guess I just thought what would Bellamy do if he were here?"

Raven laughed, "He would have knocked him out too." Raven wrapped an arm around Clarke's shoulders, "And he would be so proud of his girl knocking Finn down onto his ass."

Bellamy wasn't happy when Clarke had emailed him that night about her lunch with Raven and her unexpected encounter with Finn. She decided not to tell him about how she hit him or what he said about Bellamy. It was embarrassing and she didn't want Bellamy to worry or get angry again. The next day she got an email from him outraged that Finn would talk to them both after all of this time. It was pretty much a letter on how Bellamy hated all things Finn. It made her smile how much he was angry for Raven too.

The next day she got another email from him. This one teasing her about not telling him everything about the Finn encounter, but not to worry because a little birdie (named Raven) told him all about how it ended. He ended it apologizing for being angry in the previous one and explained how proud he was of her for handling the situation like she did. He also promised that if he ever saw Finn the first thing he would do was make him wish he had never been born. 

(However, when that day did finally come, Bellamy was out at a bar having a guy's night with Miller, Jasper, Lincoln, and Wick. Finn made a comment about Clarke and Bellamy simply stood and started walking towards him. Miller and Lincoln each tried to stop him, but before Bellamy even got close Finn was already on the floor and Wick was shaking his hand complaining about how much it hurt and they don't tell you that in the movies. But he turned to Finn and on the floor saying he was the idiot for cheating on such an amazing woman like Raven. That night when Clarke and Raven picked the guys up and brought them home, Raven finally agreed to marry Wick.)

* * *

 

A few weeks later, Raven and Wick had a beautiful little boy they named Rey Wick. The day he was born, Raven asked Clarke to call Bellamy on video chat and they were able to get him. Clarke was holding baby Rey and making sure Bellamy could see him when Raven asked.

"I know this is weird and all, but Kyle and I were wondering if you two - if you two would be Rey's godparents?"

Clarke nearly dropped the baby she was so surprised and Bellamy just laughed.

"Are you sure?" Clarke asked quietly. "I mean - we're not family or anything."

"You are family," Wick answered. "You're Rey's aunt and uncle. Knowing you're his godparents makes raising this little rascal all the more easier. Because there won't be any other two people who will love him almost as much as we do." 

Clarke looked to Raven who was smiling and then turned to Bellamy who just smiled at her through the video screen. "We would be honored," Clarke said looking down at baby Rey.

 

The next day Clarke had finished rounds and had a break so she headed over to Raven's room before the new mom and her baby boy got discharged. Octavia was already there asking Raven a million questions about the birth and the pregnancy when Clarke walked in.

Raven looked exhausted but was answering all of Octavia's questions with a knowing look.

"What's going on?" Clarke asked from the door.

"N-nothing," Octavia shot Raven a look who just laughed quietly so as not to wake Rey.

"Octavia Blake. Is there something you need to tell me?" Clarke narrowed her eyes at Octavia.

"You can't tell anyone. I haven't told Lincoln yet. I'm not even sure if I am or not."

"Are you pregnant?" Clarke asked shocked.

"Yes," Octavia looked at her feet, but Clarke wrapped her arms around her oldest friend.

"Congratulations. I'm so happy for you!"

Octavia relaxed into Clarke's hug, "Don’t tell, Bell yet. I want to."

"After you tell Lincoln," Raven said from the bed.

"Yeah. That too."

The three friends laughed and settled onto Raven's bed to watch over little Rey.

"Would you imagine two years ago we would have all ended up here?" Octavia said quietly.

"Never in a million years did I think I would have a little Wick to deal with on top of a big one," Raven laughed quietly as she traced her son's features lightly with her finger.

"I would have never thought I would have a guy that no only did my brother tolerate, but actually like and approve of," Octavia smiled and reached for Clarke's hand.

"If you told me two years ago I would be engaged to your brother I would have probably beaten you for making such a horrible joke," Clarke laughed.

"Nah," Octavia squeezed Clarke's hand. "I knew it from the moment I met you. You would always be perfect for my brother."

Clarke laughed, "I forgot you're the all knowing O."

"No. I gotta agree with her," Raven looked up at Clarke. "When we first met and you mentioned Bellamy, I was surprised you were dating Finn because the look on your face told a completely different story."

"Really?" Clarke couldn't help the smile that crossed her face. 

"Yes, you dork," Raven laughed just as Rey began to cry.

* * *

 

Three months later, Bellamy finished his last tour and returned home. Unlike his last one, the only person meeting him at the airport was Clarke. Before he had left, Raven had officially moved out of Clarke's apartment and Bellamy had moved in. So they were able to return home and have a few days of peace before the madness began.

Octavia had told Lincoln who had immediately gotten down on one knee and proposed. It turned out he had called Bellamy a few weeks before and asked for his permission to marry Octavia and had already bought a ring that he had been carrying around with him waiting for the perfect moment to propose. They decided to get married as soon as Bellamy returned home - on the day, Clarke and Bellamy were suppose to get married. Clarke gifted their wedding to Octavia. Everything except the dress because she would be three months pregnant and needed a different style.

Clarke and Raven were serving as the only bridesmaids and were standing with Octavia in the lobby of the church, she was pacing up and down nervous and hadn't been able to eat all morning. It was a toss up between nerves and morning sickness.

Bellamy walked in from the front of the church. Octavia had asked him to wear his dress uniform and he had done so. As soon as he saw her, the tears formed in his eyes.

"Mom, would want me to tell you how beautiful you look, O," he reached out and hugged her tight. "I can't believe my baby sister is all grown up now."

"Please stop, Bell. You're going to make me cry and ruin my make up."

Clarke and Raven laughed knowing it was probably more likely the hormones. Octavia's pregnancy was mirroring Raven's so much that Raven kept telling her she was going to end up with a boy too.

The wedding planner came rushing up to the bridal party, "Octavia we're ready to start now."

Clarke didn't miss how the young woman glanced to Bellamy before rushing away again. She didn't fault the girl. She was having a hard time keeping her eyes off him in that uniform.

"Alright," Raven walked up to Octavia and wrapped her arms around her. "Don't trip. I'm not running down the aisle to help you back up. Got it, Blake?"

Octavia laughed and hugged her back, "I love you too, Raven."

Raven smiled and gave her arm a squeeze before heading down the aisle. Clarke turned to Octavia and smiled, "I'm so happy for you, O. I really am."

Tears started to well in Octavia's eyes, "God. You're as bad as my brother. You two deserve each other."

Clarke laughed and leaned forward to kiss Octavia's cheek.

"Where's my kiss?" Bellamy smirked next to his sister.

"It's not your wedding day," Clarke shot back as she made her way to the door as the wedding planner counted out Raven's steps.

As Clarke started walking she heard Bellamy call out, "I'm going to hold you to that, princess."

 

Later at the reception, Clarke and Bellamy were dancing while they watched Octavia and Lincoln dancing across the floor from them.

"She's looks so happy," Bellamy said quietly not taking his eyes off his baby sister.

"She is happy," Clarke watched him. "Hey Bell?"

"Yeah," Bellamy turned to face her.

"I told you so," Clarke grinned at him and Bellamy laughed.

"Have you been waiting all day to say that?"

"Maybe…" 

Bellamy kissed her and said, "You can prove me wrong anytime, princess. As long as we are all this happy."

* * *

 

Six months later, Octavia proved Raven right by giving birth to a healthy baby boy. Lincoln was of course out of town when Octavia went into labor. Clarke was busy at the hospital and the Blake siblings were spending time together when it happened.

Bellamy was calling Clarke frantically, but she was in the middle of surgery and didn't get the hundred messages until she was out. But the time she arrived, Octavia was already sleeping and Lincoln was on his way. When she walked into the room, she found Bellamy holding the sleeping baby. He looked up when she entered and smiled at her. She crossed the room and leaned over his shoulder.

"It's a boy," Bellamy whispered. "I'm an uncle."

Clarke smiled and leaned down and kissed Bellamy's temple, "Watch out world, Bellamy Blake has a new little person to protect."

He chuckled quietly, "This one is in good hands. He's got his mother and father who will go to the ends of the Earth for him. I can see it already."

Clarke leaned over to look closer at the baby, "Did she decided on a name yet?"

"Yeah. Blake," Bellamy was smiling so large.

"Once a Blake, always a Blake," Clarke laughed quietly.

"Don't be jealous, princess. You'll be a Blake soon."

"Can't wait," she leaned down and placed a kiss on his lips. Just as Lincoln burst into the room.

Bellamy stood up as Octavia shifted and opened her eyes to see her husband.

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have gone," the large man placed his head on his wife's chest.

"It's okay," Octavia whispered. "You're here now."

Bellamy walked forward and Lincoln looked up and smiled at his brother-in-law, "Thank you, Bellamy."

Clarke watched as Bellamy gently passed Blake to his father and the two left the room to leave the new family alone.

Bellamy collapsed in a chair outside the door, "That was exhausting and exciting all at the same time."

"That's what it always feels like," Clarke sat next to him.

"How many babies have you delivered?"

"Not many. We don't see many in the ER," Clarke took Bellamy's hand.

"It's beautiful though," Bellamy squeezed her hand.

"It is," Clarke smiled. "Just wait until its our turn."

Bellamy groaned, "Princess, don't tease me like that." He leaned forward and caught her lips in a kiss.

"Clarke?" Bellamy pulled back to see Abby standing a few feet away. "Is everything okay? I heard you ran out of the OR."

"Yeah, Mom. Octavia had her baby."

"Oh. Congratulations, Bellamy. A niece or nephew?"

"A nephew," Bellamy smiled.

"Pass my congratulations on to Octavia and Lincoln," Abby smiled and started to walk away. She stopped and turned around to face them. "I hope the two of you are up next."

Bellamy's jaw dropped and Clarke started laughing, "I think we're going to get married first. I mean we've been planning it for two years now. All we need is for our friends to stop getting pregnant."

"So this is a bad time to break the news to you guys," Miller had appeared in the hallway with some balloons and flowers.

"What news?" Bellamy looked confused.

"Well, Monty and I applied to adopt. And we found out last night. We have a baby girl waiting for us."

Bellamy stood up and crossed the hallway to hug his best friend, "Congrats, man. I'm happy for you guys."

Clarke followed and hugged him as well, "Where's Monty?"

"He's at work. He'll stop by later, but I have a graveyard shift so I won't be able to stick around. These are for Octavia and the baby."

"Blake," Bellamy said taking the balloons and flowers.

"A boy named Blake," Miller chuckled. "Going to be just like his uncle, isn't he?" 

"We wouldn't have it any other way," Lincoln said from the doorway as Raven and Wick arrived. Before they knew it the whole gang had gathered in Octavia's room to meet the newest member of their family.

* * *

 

Almost two years after Bellamy had proposed and almost three years after they began their emails, it was finally their big day. True to form, Clarke and Bellamy continued to postpone their day for the happiness of their friends, but finally Octavia put her foot down and said the next family event would be their wedding or else she was going on a rampage.

Clarke stood in the same lobby of the same church that Octavia and Lincoln had gotten married in. She had the same wedding planner rushing around. Bellamy had asked her if he should wear his uniform like he did for Octavia's wedding, but Clarke said it was up to him. She was thankful when he decided to go with a basic black tux. She loved his uniform, but loved him more in a simple tux.

Unlike Octavia, she wasn't nervous. Just ready. This day had been a long time coming and she couldn't wait to walk down that aisle to Bellamy.

"Okay, do you have everything?" Octavia asked while balancing Blake on her hip.

"Yes, O. Stop worrying about me," Clarke smiled at her best friend.

"I know. I know. Cool, calm, collected Clarke. Only bride to not have a freak out minutes before walking down the aisle."

Raven laughed as she struggled to keep Rey next to her, "We should start before these boys decide to run down that aisle."

"Wait, we've got one more," Abby came rushing in with Rose, Monty and Miller's daughter.

The wedding planner appeared again, "Our flower girl and ring bearers ready?"

"As they'll ever be," Octavia sighed. She had been dreading this part. Knowing Blake and Rey were uncontrollable to say the least. Rose was always the perfect angel. So they sent her down the aisle first hoping it would show the boys what they were suppose to do.

As predictable, Rose made her way down the aisle throwing her little petals until she got to the end and saw her dad standing next to Bellamy. She rushed him and yelled, "Dada!"

The church laughed as Miller picked her up and step down to the first pew and handed her to Monty. She was not happy, but Miller kept shushing her from where he stood and soon she was being entertained by her Uncle Jasper and Aunt Maya.

Octavia and Raven sent the boys down next. To say it was a disaster would be an understatement. Rey decided to stop and talk to every female guest on the way down the aisle. Blake was more interested in pulling down the decorations. After a few minutes, they hadn't even made it half way.

"Wick!" Raven yelled from the back of the church. "Do something! Don't just laugh. He's your son too!"

Wick laughed and hurried up the aisle, grabbing Rey's hand and picking Blake up before making his way back up the aisle. Clarke caught Lincoln laughing from where he stood next to Miller as he watched Wick attempt to control both of the boys. Harper took pity on him and grabbed Blake to place in her lap next to her and Wells.

"Well, that could have been worse," Octavia smiled tightly at Clarke. "Sorry, we should have practiced with them more."

"No," Clarke smiled. "It was absolutely perfect."

"Only the best for you, Griffin," Raven smiled and hugged her tightly before turning to make her way down the aisle.

Octavia clasped her hand and squeezed once before following the other brunette.

"Ready?" Abby stood next to Clarke.

"More than you know," Clarke slipped her arm through her mother's.

"You're father would have loved Bellamy. Almost as much as I do," Abby smiled at Clarke as they began walking.

"Thanks, Mom," Clarke returned her smile. 

Then as the music changed and all the guests stood up, Clarke turned and found Bellamy standing at the front of the church. She didn't take her eyes from him the rest of the day. She would have loved to spend the rest of her life watching him, but everybody needs to sleep eventually.

* * *

 

Over the years, their family of delinquents grew and spread out. But every month they made a point to come together for a day. With so many kids, it was hard to coordinate a weekly schedule, but a monthly one worked. It didn't mean their house didn't have people coming and going almost every day.

The Griffin-Blake household continued to be the go to spot for spontaneous get-togethers. Whoever was available showed up and the kids were always running through the house. 

However, this month it was Jasper and Maya's turn to host the entire family. Bellamy watched as the kids ran past him. Blake and Rey chasing the younger ones - Griffin and Olivia, Rey's sister.

Bellamy walked towards a table carrying his beer and a soda for Aurora. She was mad at him again and was venting to Octavia.

"Aunt O, I'm 14. I'm going to have to go on dates soon. Dad's being completely unreasonable."

Octavia laughed as she made faces at Jasper and Maya's youngest daughter, Claire.

"Rory, you're complaining to the wrong person. Did you forget your dad practically raised me. He wouldn't let me date until I was 30."

Aurora groaned and placed her head on the table.

"I think I'm being reasonably, Rory. I only said you couldn't date until you were 25. I've learned from your aunt," Bellamy placed the soda in front of his oldest daughter and chuckled to himself. She looked the most like him out of his three daughters. With dark hair and dark eyes and even some freckles ghosting her nose.

"Daddy!" Griffin squealed throwing herself into his arms. "Help me!" She laughed as Rey caught up to her. Behind him Blake was carrying Olivia over his shoulder laughing as she squealed trying to get down.

"Blake, be careful with her!" Octavia yelled and her son grumbled and placed Olivia down as she ran to her brother.

Blake sat down on the other side of Bellamy and started to tickle Griffin, who buried her head into Bellamy's chest.

"Hey. Food's ready," Clarke appeared behind Octavia and Aurora. Griffin's head popped up and looked at her mom. Being the youngest meant she was spoiled by her parents and even her older sisters. Just like Bellamy had always protected and spoiled Octavia. Aurora and Jane always looked out for Griffin.

"Come on, Griffin," Aurora stood and held her out to her blonde hair and blue eyed sister. Griffin hopped off Bellamy's lap and followed her sister. The two met Jane at the buffet table. Jane always stood out in a crowd with her bright red hair and dark blue eyes. It still amazed Bellamy that he had three daughters and all with different colored hair like that. Clarke assured him it was possible and Jane was definitely his. Not that he ever doubted it, but she still teased him.

Octavia stood up with Claire and handed her off to Maya as she made sure her boys didn't eat all the food. Clarke slipped into the seat next to Bellamy.

"Where are you?" Clarke whispered quietly to him.

"Just amazed at how much our little family has grown," he wrapped an arm around his wife's shoulders and she just smiled.

"Ready for it to keep growing?"

"Princess, if you tell me you're pregnant it better be a boy. I can't take another girl," he laughed, but Clarke knew he would have rather had a house full of girls than anything else.

"No. I'm not pregnant, Bell. But these kids are getting older and soon our babies are going to be having babies."

"Are you trying to kill me, princess? I just spent the last week getting the silent treatment from Rory because she can't go out on a date."

"Well, you're being a bit overprotective, Bell. Twenty-five is way too old. I'm thinking 16 or maybe 17."

"Not ever happening."

Clarke leaned forward and kissed him.

"Ew! Please don't do that in front of your children," Aurora made a gagging noise as she sat across from Clarke and Bellamy. Griffin squeezed in between her parents and Jane sat next to Aurora.

"How are you going to go on dates if Mom and Dad kissing grosses you out?" Jane asks seriously as she digs into her food.

Griffin starts laughing and Aurora grumbles into her food.

Soon the sun is setting and everyone begins packing up and saying goodbye and thank you to the Jordans.

Bellamy is carrying a groggy Griffin in his arms as Clarke leads the way with an arm wrapped around Jane who has her head on her mom's shoulder. Aurora is telling Bellamy a story about how her history teacher started teaching about the Greeks and completely messed up the story of Andromeda and Aurora had to correct him - obviously.

Bellamy smiles at his know-it-all daughter. She's got her stubbornness from her mother, but his passion for history. He knew he would be getting a phone call from her history teacher next week and he always had to politely remind the man that he had a Ph.D. in ancient civilizations and his daughter grew up with bedtime stories cloaked in mythology.

 

Bellamy had finished cleaning up the dishes from breakfast before the family left for the day and was straightening the kitchen with their various activities. He found a worn copy of The Iliad that belonged in his office, but was being read by Aurora. He found a sketch book that contained sketches belong to Jane. Clarke was often amazed at how talented their second daughter was and constantly told Bellamy she was going to be the artist Clarke never could be. Bellamy still preferred his Christmas present which was hanging in the living room. He had it framed when he got home from his last tour. He moved Griffin's doctor bag that was more realistic than Clarke's, but she took it with her everywhere. In case of emergencies, Dad. Duh, she would roll her eyes at him just like Octavia use to.

When he finished he realized how quiet it was in his house. Never a good sign so he started walking through the house looking for his girls.

He gets to the second floor when he hears them in Griffin's room.

"No, Mom. When you read the fairy tale, you have to finish with the letters. That's how they go," Griffin says as if its obvious.

"Griffin, let her read whatever she wants," Rory argues back.

"Shut up, Rory. We want to hear the letters next," Jane snaps back.

"Jane, don't tell your sister to shut up," Clarke sighs. "I'll read the letters. Rory, you don't have to stay and listen if you don't want to."

He can hear Rory grumbling from here, but she doesn't come out of the room.

"Where are we starting?" Clarke asks.

"From the beginning!" Griffin cheers happily.

"Okay, okay."

Bellamy made his way to the opening of the door.

"Once upon a time, there was a knight who was sent to a far away land to serve a country and its people that he loved very much. He had to leave behind many people that he loved. A beautiful and strong sister. A best friend who worked as the kingdom's sheriff. Two little nerds who loved the make all sorts of fun things for the friends to try and occasionally blew things up. And of course, the beautiful princess," Clarke glanced up from the book and smiled at him before continuing.

When he left for his last tour, Clarke had told him she had wanted to print out all of their emails from his previous tour and make it a book, but when she tried they came out all wrong. So she had started to handwrite them all. Bellamy took over writing his own and would slowly mail them to her. She had put them all in a book and had given it to him when he returned.

When Clarke told him she was pregnant with Rory, he took a part the book and rewrote it as a fairy tale. The emails remained, but were written as letters and the book opened like a classic fairy tale.

When Rory caught Bellamy standing in the doorway, she slid over on Griffin's bed and motioned for him to sit next to her. Griffin and Clarke were sitting against the headboard. Rory was stretched out against the opposite wall so he sat next to her and wrapped an arm around her. Jane got up off the floor and sat on his other side and he wrapped an arm around her too as Clarke continued.

She read each email slowly so the girls would hear everything. He didn't edit the words for the girls. He wasn't ashamed of the arguments or the anger that came through some of them. They were the words that made up Clarke and his story and he wouldn't change it.

"The brave knight held his daughter as the beautiful princess looked on and smiled at her before saying 'I love you, my beautiful little princess and I will love you and your beautiful little sister princesses forever." And the brave knight and the beautiful princess and their three perfect little princesses lived happily ever after."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. I have loved writing this and have loved all of your comments and feedback. They have kept me going to keep writing this and I swear I would have probably finished writing this even if no one liked it because I just needed to write it, but having people tell me how much they enjoyed it made it much more personal to write. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
> 
> If you want more Bellarke, I have another fic that's going to be a lot more chapters. Still a modern universe, but set in college. It's called "Yours" (formally Wildest Dreams). Shameless plug. Sorry!
> 
> Again. Thank you all so much! 
> 
> PS - If you want to talk, I'm on tumblr at diaryofanerdygirlygirl, but I don't really use it often. However, I'm on twitter much more frequently @NerdyGirlyGirl.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger.. :)
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Those who are reading Wildest Dreams, have no fear. I'm still working on that too. This was just something I couldn't get out of my head so I decided to write it down to help.


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